ADVICE PLEASE!!! I don't know what to do guys?

Ok so yesterday I went on the first date since my ex, and this guy was in the same boat. I met him on a dating site and want to make sure he doesn't just want one thing! So he came to pick me up it was around a 1 and half hour drive for him. He gave me a bunch of flowers and opened the car door for me. When we got there and got out he immediately held my hand (this is the firat time we'd ever met). We walked around for a bit to find the restaurant and I mentioned another which sounded posh (not to go in or anything, just cause the name was so swish) and he said we could go there for a second date... we hadn't had the first one yet! We got to the restaurant had our food and drinks, the conversation flowed nicely although I could tell he was nervous as hell. He payed for the meal and I offered to pay half as I think the woman should really pay for herself but he insisted on paying. We walked back to the car and drove around the area for a bit. Then he drove me home, he asked if he would get a good nights kiss so I gave him one but he wanted a bit more so we ended up making out and he didn't wanna let me go haha! He did of course. He then asked for a second date for tomorrow! We only met yesterday! He's 31 and I'm 22, he lives at home currently as he's saving up for a deposit. The kiss felt right but I didn't feel a strong attraction towards him! He was mentioning things we could do together before we even met up. He seems sweet, kept asking me if I was ok and even brought his jacket for me in case I got cold. I dunno if he's just really overly nice or if somethings a bit adrift... He seems to be putting both feet in already. Advice please? :/


Most Helpful Guy

  • He really wants to make it work, but he's just nervous and overexcited. He probably just thinks you're really pretty and doesn't want to mess it up, but he's being too nice because of that and sort of messing it up before it even begins.

    This is just a guy that doesn't know much about the dating world (most people coming out of LTR's don't). I think he's genuine and just really likes you.

    • 100% agree with this^

    • @Panay think you guys might be right, he hasn't said anything that would cause me doubt. Like nothing sexual or anything at all like that, with guys who've only wanted sex they've always said something crude to me. He also asks how I am and even remembered that I said I had the doctors, he felt bad for not asking me just after I'd had it and just asked how it went.
      The only thing which actually put me off (sounds shallow I know...) is that he was quite a lot bigger than his picture, I like him but as I'm really into fitness and he said he is too I thought he might be a bit toned and quite small. At the same time I don't want to not give him a shot just cause he's not my usual type! We did kiss on the first date, he asked if he'd get a kiss instead of just doing it and I have to say it felt right which Is why I'm now so confused?

    • All you can do really is just see how it goes, and take as long as you need deciding

Most Helpful Girl

  • I find guys on dating sites are either just after sex or just really desperate to find someone (anyone) that they just assume the first meeting is the start of the rest of their life. They are presumably very lonely and therefore jump in very quickly. No doubt he was probably trying to do all the right things to make an impression, a lot of people do, and it is not a bad thing. Just be aware it is the "wooing" stage and is not likely to continue eternally. That does not mean he is a bad guy, he could be a genuine and nice guy. But you sound like you ceel you want to get to know him and feel the pressure because he is talking future plans, etc.
    If he asks you to do things that you aren't ready for just tell him that he seems like a nice guy but its moving too fast and you need more time to get to know him.
    If you feel something is a miss, trust your gut feeling, but work out exactly what you are feeling - do you feel like he is not being himself and hiding something, are you not into him but feel guilty that he seems so into you and you have no logical reason for not liking him, or have you not made up your mind but still want to see him. Note that your head can analyse this guy and give yourself reasons why he is a good guy (eg good job, goals, takes care of me) but you also have to feel attracted within your heart (that warmth in your heart you feel when you see him smile or when he says something that makes you feel he gets you). I find some guys for me are an immediate "no", some an immediate "yes" and some are a "maybe"... the maybe guys deserve a deeper look into.


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What Guys Said 2

  • So he's 31 and still lives at home? Are you sure you want a guy like that?

    • Well he said he did move out bit had to move back in due to being unable to afford anywhere. I still live at home bit then I'm 22...
      My ex was the same age and still lived at home and that went horribly wrong! But I just can't tell, I can't read him :/

  • He looks like a real gentleman. But i don't know him. So i can't say "yes , he certainly loves you" or not. Give him a chance. His age is unimportant i think. Good luck.


What Girls Said 1

  • The giveaway is the age difference. I am not going to go into this on public so let's just say I don't believe you have much in common other than the fact that he is far too old for you to have much in common. When you say he lives at home you mean with his mother and father? Why should a 31-year-old man be living at home, "saving up for a deposit?" By now he should have a deposit!!! What does he do for a living? I will bet $1000 or whatever that is in European currency that he is recently divorced. If not that is a guy who is very immature and needs to grow up.. What does he want with you?
    He wants to put his penis inside your mouth or better yet your vaginae. He is on a dating site for sex. You are the perfect candidate because you are so young and he looks upon you as just another girl who is impressionable and wants to get laid. The flowers were great idea! On the second date he'll give you chocolate and insist on giving you whatever you want including paying for the meal. He's living in the past playing his cards as if it were 2003. I don't care if your ex is 2000 years old or 20 years old and he doesn't either. He sees you as a 22-year-old girl with a tight vaginae. The flowers and the holding hands gave it away. He wants you for one thing only. If that's what you want, you've got it. Congratulations! If I were in your boat I would be paddling along with the flow and be using him. Why in the world do you want somebody who desires involvement? You just got divorced or left somebody you were close with. Why do you want immediate involvement again? He is hoping you are. In my opinion you should want to be dating this guy another guy and perhaps three guys and having sex with the one that you desire the most. But getting involved with another guy so soon? That's crazy! An immediate close relationship. Both of them you actually do not want unless you want to use him in one way or another. Both of which you really don't want unless you want to use him. Just remember you are being used take it or leave it. But you can be using him if you use him in your mind and then you be the winner. So my answer is, yes he is using you and I describe the reasons why don't fall for his baloney , sister; use him back , or drop him. What would I do? I like the fact that he's paying for everything. If I found him attractive I probably use him. But then again, I'm a slut. Laughing my ass off!

    • Hahaha wow ok then well that was very clear 😂 I don't want him for just sex! I want a relationship which I have made very clear to him. I juse found that he seemed too keen too soon! He's ok looking, I prefer personality but I do want to be at least a bit attracted. Also he's gained a lot of weight in comparison to his profile pic... He was quite toned in that, in real life be has man boobs! I liked him, like he was nice but I'm do wary after my ex rushed things with me and turned out to be not a very pleasant person.

    • Stop wanting a relationship! You just dropped an X. Why are you jumping in or seeking to jump in to another relationship? That is what I don't approve of.

    • I'm dating different people, I just don't want only sex! Anyways after how my ex has acted he's made it much easier for me to move on! That's what he's doing, in fact that's what he did one week after we broke up! And he's said stuff behind my back so this is making me believe again. Bringing my confidence back after being shot down! I feel happy again, and I've spent the last few months crying my eyes out each day. We had a lot wrong before breaking up. We were already broken! He began to not treat me correctly but I was still trying and he wasn't, we had both lost it a while ago but were too scared to be alone so just stayed in something that was falling apart.