Why do I tend to attract this one type of girl so much?

I have a question for you girls and guys about something that I've noticed over the years. I think the vast majority of girls I attract are of the same type. It doesn't matter if they're girls I notice looking at me in public or in bars (yes, by now I can spot they're of that type without even talking to them), girls who approach me in bars or at parties or girls who fall for me after I've known them for a while.

It's a particular type of girl. They can be (a bit) shy or outgoing (some approach me) and below or above average, but mostly average, in terms of looks. What they have in common is that they're very sweet (as in will bake you cup cakes on Sundays), naive (from my perspective), a bit doe-eyed and submissive, very caring and homely, college educated but not intellectual or very ambitious (a good lot of them would probably stop working when they have kids), they tend to have had their lives in good order since they were kids like your typical "good" girl and there's not a rebellious bone in their body. There's nothing really wrong with them and I know a lot of guys are looking for girls like this but they're just not my cup of tea (which I've had to learn from experience). Recently I've come to the conclusion I'd probably be much happier with a stronger, more independent girl who challenges me and is intellectual and ambitious (I really don't care if she can't cook or doesn't look like a perfect 10) but it seems very hard for me to get/hold the attention of such a girl.

So what do you think explains me attracting this type of girl so often?

  • This type simply represents a large percentage of girls out there
    Vote A
  • I tend to notice attention from this type more easily
    Vote B
  • There's something about me that attracts this type/scares other types away
    Vote C
  • It's the crowd I hang with/places I go to
    Vote D
  • Other (please explain)
    Vote E
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
I'm 6 feet tall, dress casually with jeans and a t-shirt or buttoned shirt. I look quite a bit like Jon Snow from Game of Thrones, including the (facial) hair. I do have some muscle but am not a bodybuilder. I have a master's degree in physics and have a decent job (but it's been going on since before I had those). I have had a very rough childhood and adolescence and I think this still shines through in my (sometimes dark) humor and me being a bit more relaxed about a rude cashier or some such.
If you answer C, please explain.


Most Helpful Girl

  • E -Other. That is, all of the above.

    It has to do with your personality and style of communication. It will inevitably attract certain types of people over other types. And, more importantly perhaps, you are ATTRACTED to certain types over others so while you may fantasize about a type you dont' attract, you're not REALLY interested in them and if you did wind up with one, you'd be overwhelmed or bored or annoyed by it very quickly. I'm not the type of woman you date. But i've dated guys like you and my type annoys, frustrates and confuses your type and you inevitably take off and return to the types of people who better suit who you are. And that's all ok!

    Look. I've been around a lot and it seems to me that you're attracting the exact type I'd expect you to. You make safe choices, I can already tell that about you. You don't WANT to, but you do. It's who you are. And that's ok too!

    But it probably also has a lot to do with the pool you're selecting your partners from too. Those safe choices keep you from reaching out into unfamiliar places to meet people.

    So here's my suggestion. Step outside of your comfort zone. Don't try so hard. Stop worrying about it. You're not the type to do those things but if you want to get out of what seems to be a dating rut, you need to. You also need to stop being intimidated by women who are as smart, or smarter than you are. You seem like the kind of person who really wants the world to be aware of your intellectual abilities and this is great! But in being that person, it can be threatening to have a partner who challenges you intellectually because then, that's your identity threatened, innit?

    • This is a very interesting comment.

      Are you saying you're of that type I'm looking for, or something else entirely? What do you mean by "safe choices"? Are you saying a guy like me would eventually find out he really likes the "sweet" girls after he's experienced other types (would he just stop being bored by them and their meaningless small talk)? I am indeed intimidated by smart, independent women, not because I feel threatened but because I feel I have something to lose if I screw up (which is normal if you really like someone, I guess), this is made worse because I know/think that type of girl is rare to begin with...

Most Helpful Guy

  • We share a taste in women and experiences with sweet, submissive, naieve types. The only common reason I've found was that they make up the majority. These are considered "feminine" traits and most every girl is brought up to have them. Confident, strong willed women who will keep you on your toes are as rare as hen's teeth.

    • It's been my experience too that they are rare, but I was wondering if I was looking in the wrong places...

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 4

  • Yeah, a lot of girls are like this but you should try looking for girls in other places you haven't frequented that much. It's so nice to know there are guys looking for strong girls/women!
    Goodluck, sir!

  • hah only on gag, i think it could be all of the above but since i don't know the situation i can't tell. obviously you're aware of your type, now all you have to do is go after her.

    • Yeah I know it's a weird question, but hey anything I can do to break the mold of dime-a-dozen questions on gag...

    • lmao u seem too sensible to be asking this question, just go after the girls u like.

  • I'm way too lazy to read all of that

  • Its funny because I am shy only to the guys I find really hot. wouldn't you think the shier group is more independant as they are probably more home bodied?
    Not sure if that makes sense or not.

    • What do you mean exactly?

      To clarify, these girls aren't really shy (some approach me and the ones that don't aren't very shy either), if I had to describe them with one word I'd call them "sweet", not "shy".

    • So do you want someone whose not nice, a bitch, cold hearted and mean spirited?

      You mentioned you wanted a strong, more independent, ambitious challenging women. I was all of these with my ex boyfriend and once I got him to a higher status he literally ditched me and lived his life. i wasn't looking for no thank yous or any handouts... he just started acting as if he were better than me at the point. That is mostly why I'm closed off now Lol

    • Not really trying to start an argument here but I think a girl can be nice without being very sweet. It's just about preferences, there's no right and wrong in these things and I am not your ex-boyfriend.

What Guys Said 5

  • Man, a similar story i have, except opposites are happening to us.
    Here is the deal, i've always been the shy nerd type. I've always been a guy of a few words and like to think before saying anything. Never been outogoing in my life except at the internet.
    Years passed and i noticed that i usually attract outspoken, "strong" girls types. You know those who are not afraid of speaking their minds? Yeah, it always caused me to be somewhat scared or intimidated. I've even had a tomboy crushing on me once...
    And i also noticed the opposites thing at others' relationships, i've noticed that the type of girls you described where all attracted to the jocks, popular, muscular and even guys with a player reputation. Perhaps they where looking for their balance and the same may have happened with me.
    they way you described yourself somewhat fits my line here. A guy who looks confortable in his own skin, dark humoured, smart and settled may influence on their impression of you after a while as exactly how you mentioned. After they spend time with you, they learn they feel safe with you without being bored as you do let your uneasy past story leak out too. So all in all, safety, manly looks, confortable with yourself and a bit of challenge. Your story lines up perfectly with the opposite's attraction law. My story suits that as well...
    The girl that likes me today is a very "go getter" type, and she seems somewhat dominant but not manly... hopefuly well get to be more than friends :)

    • Haha we should exchange ex-girlfriends... The only time I know for sure a "strong" (and ambitious) girl type was into me was once when I was much younger and more quiet and less confident/outgoing, a bit like you describe yourself. I hope the "opposites attract" thing doesn't always hold true because I really don't want someone who's the opposite of me.

    • I understand. But dont worry man, the confusing part is that it is really rare for the dominant types to be choosing shy people, nerds, geeks, gamers or alikes. The great part of them are into the more dominant types themselves. It's really hard to find that girl that likes partying hard or sports or an agressive bussiness woman going for the quiet, "good buddy" guys.
      I've observed the majority of the dominant girls being attracted to the muscular, popular, outgoing men. For them, the nerdy are more like a novelty but the machos are a more desireable "trophy". So, despite that there really is the opposites attraction law, you have a much better chance with a competitive, dominant girl than a quiet/introvert like me.
      Man, fear not, you are a good prospect and as you say, women are indeed noticing you. It's just a matter of time.
      P. S.:i didn't call you a macho lolz, i am just stereotyping to make it more clear :)
      If you have more questions, just ask and vote me up later :)

    • Oh, and about exchanging ex'es, you wouldn't have any since i don't have any ex yet hahah

  • It might just be where you hang out and live. I'm near the OC and everyone here is wearing micro shorts now but most of them do seem to be the same body type. Except those that should not be wearing those shorts.

  • Well I am starting to learn I attract bad women, even though I am a nice guy, and I think it's because I dress in baggy clothes, black, grey, and white shirts, and appear to have a bad boy vibe. I am sure if I were to dress with a collared shirt, pants fitted, I am pretty sure it would attract different type of women. I just dress according to whether I am at home, or going out.

    • That bad boy vibe, it's really weird for me to think I have it sometimes (I'm a nerdy intellectual on the inside and soemtimes act like a clown), but it's probably true on some days and girls who don't know me very well could get the wrong impression.

    • Exactly. Change your appearance, have some confidence, and things will change. Know from experience.

  • Man.. Sucks to be you...
    Some guys just dont know a good thing when they see it and instead go for masculine women... Smfh

    • Like I said, I don't think there's anything wrong with these girls (I've tried dating them), I just have different preferences from you.

    • Show All
    • Yes, I do realize what your point is, i misunderstood it in the begging tho. Glad to see you're open minded :)

    • @Heera i am. To an extend :-)

  • I think it's C or D.

Loading... ;