Advice for a social dweeb?

so my whole life has been pretty isolated. I go to an all boys catholic high school, and my parents forbid me to have a social life. however, this summer I'm leaving home and going to study at Cambridge University. I'm really excited, my major is Creative Writing and I LOVE writing poetry and stories its going to be a blast.

the thing is I want to be a more social person (as in maybe have a relationship). I'm really shy but not a bad person. I'm short (5'8'') and am really thin (130lbs). but all of that weight is in muscle because I've been doing martial arts since I was 7 (I'm 16) and am a starting attackman on my schools varsity lacrosse team. we went 14-3 this year so we're pretty decent. I am ridiculously polite, like freaky prep school polite. everyone says I have a great smile which makes me feel great (god I hope that its true.). I have a picture on my profile if you want a better idea.

anyways, any advice about how to meet people? make them feel comfortable? talk to without sounding insecure or arrogant?

thanks so much!


Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't know what you're so afraid of! In high school I weighed a whopping 136 lbs at 5'7". I was very self-conscious too I thought I was too skinny and girls wouldn't like me because I wasn't muscular like other guys but I had no issue with dating. What did I do to remedy my self-esteem? I started working out, I wouldn't recommend it at your age, but just keep active and eat healthy and you should be fine, girls find lean muscle sexy.

    My advice would just be to be yourself, as corny as that sounds. People can normally tell when you're being fake and it's somewhat insulting. There's nothing wrong with being polite, I'm polite also, very polite trust me that will help you when you're older. Try not to be overly polite though, not to the point of allowing others to take advantage of you.

    How do you communicate with others without coming off as arrogant or insecure? Don't be. Don't judge people, focus on the positive and not the negative, and don't treat anyone else differently from how you'd like to be treated. Don't be condescending, don't pretend you are better than other people, and listen to people when they talk, don't cut them off or talk in excess about yourself.

    • I already am working out. we have mandatory weight lifting for lacrosse and I work out on my own anyways. the problem is more along the lines that I've never had a very big female presence in my life

    • Well if you're already working out, and think you have a skinny frame then you may want to increase the amount you're eating, specifically load up on carbs and protein. You sound like you're very active and if you don't eat enough your body won't have the nutrients required for repairing and building new muscle. Building mass despite popular belief is 80% nutrition and only about 20% physical effort. When I originally found this out I put on 15 lbs of lean muscle in roughly 4 months.

    • If you're trying to meet girls, I think the best advice I can give is don't be shy. Coming from an all boys school and having strict parents, I imagine just the thought that you'll be associating with girls more regularly may be intimidating. Girls like a guy with confidence, but somone who is not too cocky. Just put forward a personable disposition and I'm sure that you'll be fine. Flirting should come naturally, don't try and force it. When you find hte right girl, make your move.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Congrats on your acceptance to Cambridge University. You'll likely find that their will be many intelligent, creative, and beautiful women in your writing class. Generally, writers and poets tend to be very shy individuals with a tinge of a romantic soul. Once you start taking some classes, you'll sudden find that you are no longer a social dweeb because more likely than not you will find classmates who have similar interests and probably similar personalities.

    The best way to develop social skills is to practice. Put yourself in situations where you have to socialize (i.e. join a club where you must talk and mingle, get a part-time job that requires you to talk to people) basically do anything that requires to talk. The more situations you put yourself into the easier it will be for you in the long run. Remember, you already exhibit positive body language (i.e. smiling). People will want to listen and chat with you since you probably choose your words carefully, come across polite and nice, and use your words carefully. Not to sound cliche, but always always be yourself. If you are a shy person who needs to "feel the room" out before diving in to interact -- then so be it. If you have an outgoing friend, tag along with them and you'll probably end up meeting and interacting with a lot of people. Remember, you do not have to talk a lot or say a lot for people to think that you are interesting. There will always be a an outgoing and bubbly person who wants to talk and wants to bring out people. For example, I am very talkative and my sister is little more on the shy side. I find that, growing up, she grew out of her shy side because she practiced talking to me. She asked me for tips how and what to say. In the long run it helped her out immensly. I on the other hand learnt not to open my mouth and say insensitive or hurtful things ("fliter my thoughts"). In this world we need a variety of people from debaters to writers. You'll be surprised how often we forget about how someone looks, often we remember how they made us feel and what they said. By the way, 5'8 is not short for a guy and just because your thin doesn't mean girls will not find you attractive. I have plenty of thin guy friends, and to be honest they just embrace being thin. It's your attitude and confidence that count the most. Believe me, people will respect you and admire you because of your intelligence, creativeness, and good manners. People with substance & intelligence always look beyond the surface.and, your pretty good looking.

    P.S. > Your only 16, so you will be fully grown by 21. Furthermore, you will "fill in" as you grow older (natural for chest to broaden, skin to thicken etc). Just continue keeping fit.

  • 1. Don't think of yourself as a social dweeb. Everyone feels uncomfortable at 16. It' s part of growing up.

    2. When you go to the University, all of the Freshmen will be trying to make friends like crazy. so meeting people will be easy.

    3. Smile a lot. Dance with all the girls (not just the pretty ones). Have a good time! When you enjoy yourself, you are more attractive to others.

    4. Good Luck!


What Guys Said 1

  • Read The Game by Neil Strauss and start looking at community websites and material.