How do I explain my ex to a new boyfriend?

I'm looking to get back into the dating game. The trouble is I still have a creepy ex. He calls all the time (often from different numbers), sends flowers to my work, shows up at my house (I've had him removed for trespassing before but he never gets charged with anything), and generally makes every effort to stay in my life. I'm worried he'll scare a new boyfriend off because I'm still "involved" with this old guy. I've been quite clear to my ex that it's over and he needs to stop contacting me, but he seems convinced that if he can explain "just one more time" we'll get back together. Last couple months I've been ignoring him, which has only increased his efforts. It's definitely led to people who didn't know the situation thinking we were still together.

How do I explain to potential dates that my ex is just being a pest, and even though he's doing these things I'm not involved with him, I'm not trying to cheat on him, that sort of thing?

I looked into a restraining order, but he'd actually have to be threatening or scaring me for me to get one. Merely being annoying isn't enough for one in my jurisdiction.


What Guys Said 1

  • By appying for a restraining order on him. That's a clear, decisive step which should dispel doubts about whether it's really over and it may serve to finally get rid of him.

    I don't know what jurisdiction you're in but I think a court or the police would be sympathetic in any Western liberal country.

    • Where I live restraining orders are only for if someone is actually threatening or scaring you.

    • Show All
    • I've been to the police, and they said no crime has been committed. He has been arrested for trespassing a few times but no charges were ever filed.

    • Do you have a scary brother or somebody you could post at your door?

      This is stalking and it can go on for years.

What Girls Said 2

  • I think step one before you start dating again is to rid yourself of this stalker. Change your phone number, get a restraining order, tell your work about him so they'll stop accepting the flowers for you to get later, etc.

    • I can't get a restraining order in my jurisdiction without a threat of violence.

  • Hi. Don't panic. If your new boyfriend is a good guy, he'll understand.
    Clearly you are a great girlfriend , to have him so attached. Why not sell it like that? If you're that fixated over by your ex, use it to get your new man to see how hot you are, how desirable and awesome. A bit of competition to get him pumped!

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