He's not over his ex but the first date was great! What should I do?

So I recently went ice skating on a first date with a guy I met online. The first date was fantastic and we are so similar in many ways, I definitely felt a connection, found him attractive etc. He however messages me and says that he's not completely over his ex yet, but wants to be friends for now, and see if anything develops in the future.

I'm completely happy to be friends with someone, but I get the feeling he's confused about what he wants with regards to me. One minute he's messaging me late at night with kisses, asking if I'm okay because it was an hour since I replied, the next he's suggesting a concert we should go to.

So after his message telling me he just wants to be friends, I've treated him like my other friends and he's no longer a priority in terms of me replying to him. He however has started messaging me more frequently and is trying to meet up again soon. I said a couple of weeks so I can see him just as a friend and not a date.

How do I handle this?


Most Helpful Girl

  • When a man tells you who he is: believe him.

    This guy has told you he's not looking beyond anything but friends, which could also mean friends with benefits.

    He seems very confused, as are emotionally unavailable men, and that can make him act very inconsistently as he battles his emotions.

    If you allow him a space in your head and the opportunity to keep shooting you mixed signals, I see you being the one hurt here. As much as we like to say "I can be friends with someone," women are just more geared to care about someone they have a connection and contact with.

    Girl, I would say to cut him loose. Maybe tell him that whenever he's over his ex, to give you a ring and that you would love to go out then. Wish him the best.

    Trying to be friends - or date like I have - an EUM (emotionally unavailable man), will screw with your emotions and you'll wind up burned because he's not got space for more than woman in his heart.

    Find you a man that things you are beautiful and only has eyes for you! Don't settle for being the rebound chick that gets the "friends" deal! You deserve the girlfriend label and an emotionally available man! :)


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  • I think you are handling this quite well actually. Keeping him at a distance, not jumping when he says jump. He needs some time to figure out what he is doing in this situation. Don't get super attached to this guy at this point just yet. Let him prove that he wants to be with you and is doing the work necessary to move on from his ex. If he's not doing that then you need to just keep treating him like a friend.

    He told you that he wants to just be friends, so you are not doing anything wrong. You have to protect your heart as well!