Should I apologize to my ex for "cheating"? I truly feel bad for hurting him, he thinks it was worse than actuality though?

Almost 4 months ago, I broke up with my ex. He was absolutely devastated and came to bring me gifts and try to get me back. In the past I tried to break up with him and I did for about a week and the other time a few days. He always got me back by saying he would change and stupidly I believed him. As our almost 3 year relationship went on, things just got worse. I loved him but wasn't in love with him anymore and had lost respect for him. It came to the point where I didn't really care if I saw him anymore cause whenever we hung out it seemed like all he wanted was sex and he got boring. I felt disrespected.
I had made new friends and had talked/complained to them about my relationship and they thought I should end it. But I thought to myself that I just didn't have a good enough reason to, so I didn't for a while. About a month before I broke up with my boyfriend this guy in my college class gave me his number and I texted him just out of fun. We started talking a little bit and then I realized that I wanted to date him. I was over my boyfriend. I had no desire to hangout with him anymore other than we were just good friends. I didn't see him on valentines day so he didn't talk to me for a week. He told me later that he was surprised I didn't try to text him that week, stating that he underestimated how stubborn I could be. But I didn't want to talk to him. If he didn't finally call me the week after I probably wouldn't have talked to him for a while until we just drifted apart. It was my mistake by getting together with this new guy during this week we didn't talk and when I broke up with my boyfriend the day he called me after that week, my boyfriend wouldn't accept the breakup. I didn't tell him about the other guy at first until he wouldn't leave me alone. Then i had to tell him that i was seeing someone else. I could tell he was really hurt and it was his worst nightmare. He and I wanted to stay friends but he eventually got mad and doesn't talk to me.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Hm. You're in an interesting situation.

    You know your ex probably the best, so you know if he'd accept/appreciate an apology. On the one hand, what's done is done; you two are already broken up. On the other hand, if you feel like he deserves an apology or an explanation, then I think you should give one. More than an apology, I think you should tell him why you felt like your relationship with him was pretty much over by the time you met the other guy, why you were bored in the relationship, and why you weren't in love with him anymore.

    I think for him, of course it would be hurtful to get dumped only to hear that there was another guy. I'm not sure if he already knew, but if he didn't, you need to tell him that it wasn't JUST because there was another guy, that you already felt the relationship was over and had no desire to be in a relationship with him. I think you also need to be honest with him and tell him it wasn't with any intention to hurt him and that you still love him and want to be friends with him. If he doesn't accept that, then unfortunately you're forced to no longer be in each other's lives.

    • Yeah I really feel that I should apologize now. Thank you so much for your thoughtful advice! I don't want to live the rest of my life feeling ashamed and sad for the way that I made him feel when things ended. If it were me I would have been soo sad that my partner was leaving me and had also found another person to be with. I need to make sure he understands that it wasn't cheating as in the normal cheating these days. It's not like I was doing it behind his back hoping that he would never find out and continuing to be in a relationship with him. I ended things as soon as I realized that there was no going back in our relationship. It was over.

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What Guys Said 1

  • So now you have broken up and pu are dating the new guy. What's the problem?

    • I loved my ex and still to this day feel bad with the way things ended. I hurt him really bad and I never even tried to apologize for what I did. I would appreciate a heartfelt apology if it were the other way around. Wouldn't you? For all the pain you went through? I know he was dying inside, he told me several times he wanted to kill himself and hated his life now. It was his worse fear being cheated on, i never thought i would do it, and then it happened.

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