Feeling Sad, Insecure and Lonely?


I am Feeling Sad, Insecure and Lonely right now...

I am 24 years old, I am shy and I have never had a girlfriend...

So I went to a bar, really not my thing but I went with a friend... and I just feel worse now...

I saw this beautiful girl, talking to a guy, and I could see in her eyes she was very attracted to him... She would never be attracted to a guy like me... I am not attractive, not unattractive either, but just average...

That made me feel sad, and just it feels like the only way to meet people now is to go to bars and clubs, and buy expensive drinks, drop a lot of money and be really good at flirting and being very hot/attractive...

So what do I do? I'm shy and really not into the bar/club scene and I am so old at 24... I don't want to be lonely anymore...

Do I just have to get used to going to bars?

Nothing has worked for me... I know that I am not perfect, and not super hot/attractive, but I always felt that one day I would meet/bump into a girl and everything would go well and we would fall in love...

But I'm losing hope...

What should I do?


Most Helpful Girl

  • What should you do? You should work on building your confidence and constructing a solid self-esteem. You should also stop comparing your journey to the journeys of others or assuming that other people have more rich, fulfilling love lives based on the brief seconds you observe in public.

    A relationship is not the end all-be all of human existence. That’s just an idea generated to the public to boost sales of fairytales, movies, music, and plays. The truth is that some relationships will completely rob you of all that is fruitful in your mind. They will drain you of energy and hope in the opposite sex. Some relationships will simply fizzle out and the experience just does not excite your spirit anymore. Some relationships aren’t as much fun when you truly get to know the person and see into their heart. Some people are dominated by such horrible habits that being in a relationship with them will begin to feel more like cleaning up a junk yard then actually having one of those charming, lovely experiences you’ve seen about on T. V. Don’t assume that you’re missing out because in actual reality, you probably aren’t. A true relationship is hard to find and it tends to find you.

    If you’re lonely then perhaps it’s because there’s a shortage of healthy friendships and family relationships? How’s your social life?

    • I do understand that people have their own lives and problems, so I try not to judge because I don't know anything about them or their relationship and this helps me.

      I am really sucked into that idea, I did fall in love once but it did not end well... I really just want to experience a relationship... Everyone talks about going out, dating, sex, breaking up, drama, etc... I am just like I have been single my whole life, and apparently I am lucky.. but I don't feel lucky, I feel like a loser and there is something wrong with me that I can't get a girl.

      I am lonely, my social life has really gone downhill after college...

      All I do is work, but I have to work because I am supporting my family as much as I can and end up working most weekends, missing lots of chances to go out with friends, date, go to events...

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    • Clubbing and partying is not for everyone. Not everyone has the personality to participate in partying and clubbing and actually enjoy themselves. Not only that, but some clubs suck lol They’re really lame, unimaginative, and boring. You’ll go to clubs where the crowd has a bad vibe; either people are super lame and don’t get on the dance floor or you’ll sense a lot of jealous females (and sometimes males)/ some sort of negative energy.

      You are way too hard on yourself and I can tell that you probably put yourself down in your head. A lot of those “extroverted, hot party animals” are not even good company. Trust me, I’ve met tons of them. They have the arrogance to believe they’re good company but they’re usually just really obnoxious, pushy, too straight-forward, in your face, and some of them almost come off as desperate for an ego stroke or really needy for female attention. A lot of them don’t even know how to dance, they just literately rub their d*ck on you and that’s all

    • *cont* they’ve got. -_- They can barely even move their hips; dancing is all about rubbing their penis all over whatever a** they find hot enough. It’s actually really gross and not attractive at all.

      If you feel like you will regret it, then just get a friend or two and go out to a club. Grab a drink, sit down, and chill.

Most Helpful Guy

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • Experts say that if someone is looking for a long term relationship the last place people will go to is to a bar or a club try some different places maybe the library , park , cafes , even walking around in your area. Some people even find dates at the grocery store because you don't need to have a lot of time to go there and why not kill two birds with one stone. If you don't like the bar and you continue going there you will probably find someone who enjoys the bar. At public places you will probably meet someone with the same situation as you.

    • That is true, If I meet a girl at a bar she probably likes that kind of life style and It won't work out because I don't. Plus I am looking for a long term

      It's hard to meet girls, I can maybe small talk a girl here and there but it seems like they are just doing their own thing and don't want to be bothered or harassed. I had one girl really upset that I said hi to her once, and another was very upset that I held a door open for her...

      I am losing hope taldaana...

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    • By the way not all the shy girls are unnattractive.

    • Yes, I will focus more on shy girls and try to cut them more slack...

      That is true, I much rather do shy stuff than go clubbing or something...

      I really don't know where these shy girls hide though...

      I know, I find shy girls attractive :)

  • Get a, make over and build some self esteem, you don't need to be hot to get a, cute girl now a days, just come off as dominant and sexy.


What Guys Said 2

  • I was you, at your age. Send me an private message, and let's talk, without everyone seeing, OK?

  • You are pathetic. You are a shame for our cro magnon ancestors, you are desperate to have sex. Modern times pussified many men like you. My only advice is do not give a fuck women. Just study, work gather and eat alone.

    • Not sex,

      More a relationship, I am craving love, I want a girl to love me, someone to talk to, cuddle, watch movies with, go out with... just us against the world.

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    • Dude, you see an example, this girl is supporting you in here. But, in reality none of them date a desperate nice guy like you. You have to be more aggressive and independent.

    • Asker, this rude guy is wrong. Do not listen to his negative, self-defeating words because they're false and they'll get you nowhere you want to be. There are a lot of females like me who don't have the attitude he's claiming we do.

      You do not have to be aggressive and independent to get a girl. In fact, I was just at a huge birthday party by the river and this guy was so "aggressive and independent" that he became completely annoying and I didn't want to talk to him at all. He was too aggressive when I was on the phone in my car and he encouraged me to "just get off the phone and go with him to the party", he was too aggressive and boastful when talking about how he could dance, and he was too aggressive at the end of the party when we went to a bar and he tried to put his arm around me. Also, you're not necessarily "desperate" for having a dry season in life right now and being nice is a virtue so don't lose it.

      This guy clearly doesn't know what he's talking about. Disregard.