We went too fast and now he wants to take it slow! Where will it leave us?

I just started talking to this guy 4 weeks ago. He informed me he was dating this girl for 8 years on and off and they recently ended everything about 3 months ago after she moved out with him. He's 26 and I'm 21 and sometimes I feel like he's been there and done that. We've already had sex and I must admit I was pushing a tad but but he's the one wanting to hang out with me and spend the nights over (and not every time have sex) and going out and calling me. Now I'm not looking for a relationship just yet but I don't want to just be that girl who he texts when he wants and comes over when he wants, I want it to eventually lead to something. He said he wanted to slow things down because he wants to be sure that if he's going to do this he's need to be positive because he doesn't want to get hurt again which I understand. But now it's like I'm afraid I'll just become that casual girl he sees once a week or only texts when he has the time. Because then just because you're taking it slow you still are suppose to be getting to know each other. So how do I keep him interested with still giving him space and knowing that he's not trying to put me into that "I want everything that comes with the relationship without it actually being one " how can I still lead it in the right direction?


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  • Firstly, STOP having sex. You can literally avoid becoming the casual hook up by not giving him sex. You are absolutely right. Taking things slow doesn't mean giving him everything on a plate; it means taking away the benefits of being with you and spending time outside the bedroom getting to know one another. Having sex will not build trust or feelings. Talking and spending time together not having sex will build trust and allow him to get to know you. This will make it easier to establish true feelings that isn't clouded by sex.

    It really all comes down to taking anything sexual off the table and allow him YOU as a person on a friendship level ; not a hook up level. If he actually wants to take things slow and get to know you, he'll realize he can do that perfectly without having sex with you.

    • But like I like sex as well and I to me feel like we can still build something and still have sex unless absolutely no more? I should know next time we hang out and I don't have sex and he acts all distance and stuff he just wanted something casual? Then I can be like "boy bye" lol

    • Well if you want to be smart and not be used then you'll stop giving him sex freely without him even doing as much as committing to you. He said he wants to take things slow but now you want to give him everything on a plate in return for him not being ready to commit to you? and you somehow think having more sex will magically change things? It doesn't work that wait unfortunately.

  • If you don't want a relationship but you're sleeping with him, what exactly do you think you are to him if not the girl he sees casually for sex?

    • Well I'm human and I have needs as well and we're not having sex every time we hang out which is prettty much every day but with this going slow thing I don't want it to become that. Does that make sense. Like because were only seeing each other once or twice a week now instead of 5-6 sex is something he's going to want to have because we aren't hanging out as often

    • Well you have to accept that if you don't want the relationship and you are going to keep sleeping with him, then it's casual sex. That's just what you're doing even if you don't want to call it that.

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