Girls, I'm literally dying. How do I convince her I genuinely want to get to know her when I might not have a lot of time to "take it slow."?

Ok... here's the short version, believe it or not.
I'm 27. This beautiful really unique 23 year old girl just moved in across the hall a month or two ago. We met whens she moved in, and talked a few times for just short elevator rides. She slipped a note under my door the next morning giving me her number and asking me if she could use my internet... honestly it was probably just for the internet.
We texted for a little while, and she didn't seem rude but she certainly wasn't head over heels. I asked her out for sushi and she said maybe later because of her financial situation at the time. Than I asked her out for coffee a few weeks later. We went out and got along I think really well. It seems like she's an amazing person.. which is the most important thing to me at this point, as you'll see in a second.
Here's the catch. I'm going to the mayo clinic in a few weeks, and if they can't figure out why I have scars on my lungs and both my liver and kidneys are failing this is prolly going to be my last summer, which along with my last job made me really introverted and very particular about who I spend my time with, and she seems like the type I'd really like to get to know. What I have is called a metabolism error which just means an enzyme doesn't work properly, and a toxin builds up that most people would just turn into something useful for the body. I played basketball at a high level so that held off the serious complications, but after a serious injury in 2011 my health plummeted.
I was always confident with girls, but to be honest I pretty much relied on sports for that.

So this is my question...
How do I go about this? The male ego in me doesn't want to pull that "please feel sorry for me" card, and plus that would make anything that developed inauthentic.
But how do I get across without coming across as desperate that I just genuinely want to get to know her and be close to someone? And not just easy sex without coming across as desperate and clingy?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Maybe you can try starting off as friends for now? It might be cruel to have a girl fall for you knowing you may not be here in a year from now. Develop a strong friendship with her and then eventually you can tell her what's going on. Then work on developing something romantically. Don't be worried about the "friend zone" it's possible to get yourself out of it if you fall into it. I fell for my neighbor who lives 3 doors down the hall for me. We started out as friends for 6 months and then started a relationship, were now going on a year, so it's definitely possible.

    • Congratulations on your relationship. I wish you the best.
      But in this situation I'm not worried about getting 'friend zoned'... I can't even get 'friended'.
      I think I just tried way too hard when I met her because, in my mind, my lack of time... but I have no idea what she's thinking... but she clearly seems uninterested in any sort of relationship.

Most Helpful Guy

  • i agree with you on not telling her to begin with-you don't want anything fake or sympathy-based.
    just go for friendship first id say; if it turns into something, great, and if not youve got a good friend (but be wary that she doesn't fall for you too hard before you tell her everything-let her know before anything gets too serious)

    • I agree with you dude... and I appreciate the input.

      If things ever developed to any legitimate connection; either as friends or as something more, of course I'd look out for her feelings above everything else... but I definitely agree that saying anything too soon would take away any authenticity away from whatever did develop... no matter how deep or how small that was.
      And I'm absolutely fine with a good friendship if that's all it turns into. Like there's something about this girl that's so different that I'm not necessarily looking to just start a relationship... like there's just something unique that makes me just genuinely curious and want to get to know her.

What Girls Said 1

  • Ask her to go for a walk or a picnic... Something that doesn't cost money since that seems to be what is holding her back. Try to talk to her and get to know her more. If she's all you think she is... Be honest. Tell her about your situation. I can't imagine what you're going through. I truly hope this works out for you.

    • I actually have keys to the roof of my building which we're not supposed to have but I knew the last manager pretty well. We both live on the 6th floor of an 8 story building, and we're just a few blocks from these festival grounds where they light off fireworks like almost every weekend. To be honest, my kind of planned last desperate act was to ask her up there for a picnic, but I was worried of being too desperate. And than how do I bring up my health situation? I'm not the type of dude to be like 'oh my lord I'm so hurt please feel sorry for me.' If anything I think that'd take away from any genuine connection because I'd be scared she was doing it out of sympathy.
      To be honest, being exposed to so many things at my last job really messed me up, and I just want to feel a genuine connection to someone before I go if the mayo clinic can't figure this out, and this does turn out to be my last summer.

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    • haha I'm sorry. yes, I agree... she seems absolutely gorgeous, inside and out... at least from what I have seen so far.

      But we have this expression here... "send it."

      It means like do the math in your head, and than figure out the risk of you getting hurt... and than just going for it...

      That's kind of the situation I'm in... like I know this girl is absolutely beautiful and I would be privileged to hold her hand... but at this point what do I have to lose?

      So now I'm pretty much 'sending it'.

      It's basically pass or fail.

      This is either going to end really well or end in a disaster... either way it will be interesting...

      Go big one way or the other... so we'll see how this goes.

    • Well I wish you luck!

What Guys Said 1

  • Figuritively*. you're figuratively drying.

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    • Omg I am so sorry I was such an asshole. I admit I didn't read your description the first time around because I thought this was gonna be one of those questions guys are being desperate, but I was wrong and I am sorry.

      Since it might be your last summer wouldn't you like to focus on people who love you? I know if I was dying I wouldn't like to spend my time trying to figure out if a girl cares for me or not.

      Other users have given you pretty good advises. I think you should get her to care for you before you tell her about it. Ask her to go for walks with you, maybe do some sightseeing, perhaps see a movie at the cinema, and so on.

    • No worries dude... everybody goes at some point.

      But that's the thing. The way I grew up was a bit different. The only family member I would call a 'loved one' was my grandpa and he passed a while ago. The rest of the time was just spent going back and forth from state run group homes and occasionally back to my moms... which oddly enough was just because I would always ask the social workers to send me back because I really wanted to see my really attractive neighbor.
      ... Oh the irony.

      But I had some of the best friends in the world. Like these dudes would have died for me... but I've changed so much and I've become so focused on just being a better person and making the world a better place before I go that I really avoid going to see them just because I know they're not in the same place, and no matter how strongly you believe in a principle the people around you are going to influence you.