Am I being too needy or is he distancing himself and I am right to feel this way?

My fb and I have been going out for 5 months. In the beginning I felt independent after years of being single and would not spend more than 3-4 days a week with him. About a month ago he went out west for a month and we did long distance for three weeks. I then met up with him and we spend the whole week together. Before he left he stayed at my place for two weeks because he was renting out his place. He's been back a week and I've been getting into fights with him all week. I've missed him a lot while he was gone and he was not there to do things with my friends. Since he's been back he told me this weekend and next he was busy helping build jumps for the bmx event next weekend. I went and camped with him on Friday and we saw each other Tuesday and I slept at his place. He came to my vball game on Thursday but biked over with friends and I had my car. He did not come back to my place after. Last night we camped out at his friends cottage and when I went to bed he did not come with me right away. I left the camp early this morning and he's on his way back now. I wish he would come over and sleep at my house. I told him I've been feeling like he needs to make more of an effort with me since he's been back. He's come out to my game and he said he would come over to my family dinner tommorow. Shouldn't we be at the stage now where we want to spend every waking moment together or as many nights together as possible? I'm feeling like it's all about his friends lately and I'm wondering if he's bored of me or if I am just being too needy and my expectations are too high?


What Guys Said 1

  • Needy is bad. It's bad. Learn to accept that it's bad. It'll drive people away. Unless you are both needy simultaneously, and that's okay.

    Your expectations aren't too high. In fact, there is no "high" as those expectations are what make you happy. If he's not meeting them, than that is on him.
    It's clear to me, that he's slowly pulling away from you. But being needy, and insisting he comes back, and insisting he talks to you, will only drive him away. It'll ruin the chance you have left to be with him.

    It's okay for anyone to have friends. Like would you get annoyed if he was upset for simply hanging out with your friends? Also, if they are just guys, then don't worry about it! But if it's girls, and he's flirting with them, then that's another cause.

    If it's getting to the point where you can't take it anymore, break up with him. For starters, yeah it'll hurt, but time will slowly heal or help you deal with the wounds. But if he becomes fazed by it, and he realized he messed up, he'll work to fix things. But if he isn't bothered by it, or it doesn't seem like he wants to contact you, then you've realized what he wanted. And that's okay! Because you'll find someone else better than him.

    Frankly, if it keeps going on any longer, it'll hurt even more when you break up. I speak from experience. It's better to do it sooner rather than later.

    Best of luck :)

    • You say it's clear that he is pulling away? Are the reasons only because something is wrong in the relationship or is this normal and I'm just freaking or for nothing? I haven't been in a relationship in years.

    • He is pulling a way, for what reason, I'm not sure. But "freaking out" about it won't solve it, in fact, it'll just push him more away, which is the opposite of what you want to do.

      Being a person with anxiety, I very well understand how hard it can be to just "go with it". But at this point, that's all you can really do if you want to keep the relationship. It's better that way anyways, then it won't be an as vicious break up, if that so happens.

What Girls Said 1

  • You're a little clingy, however the fact that he always wants to spend his time with his friends should tell you something.