How to cold approach a woman?

I'm a college sophomore and I have no friends (don't want any. Friends always treated me terribly), and the only way for me to meet women is through a cold approach or online. How should i approach her to ease her into a conversation?
(don't say "smile, don't act like a creep" that's kinda obvious...)
where would ve a good place to meet women?

clubs are out since my college has a pathetic selection of clubs.
events are out because this is a small town.
bars are out because i hate drunks and alcohol.
parties are out because i hate idiots at parties.
sports are out because I have a bad shoulder and ankle.
Classes are out because I'm pretty much the only person at this college pursuing a journalism degree...
library is out because I've already tried it.
coffee shops out because there is only one in this town, and it's only take out.

ONLINE is definitely out since I've been on 6 different sites for a year visiting them daily and messaging multiple women daily with no results...
tinder is out because I can't receive a verification code via text.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Although you're the only one pursuing a journalism degree, you couldn't possibly be the only one in the classroom. And though your shoulder and ankle are bad, you could join a gym or work out, just don't do high impact exercises. Have you thought of joining an online community that is related to journalism? And the online dating sites are a bit flawed because the questions about one's personality tend to be answered inaccurately. Most people answer them in regards to how they want to be, not how they actually are.
    And just out of curiosity, if you don't want friends, why bother meeting women for anything other than a hookup. Most good relationships need a good amount of friendship to work.

    • There are others in the classroom, to a degree. Most are returnees in their 30's and 40's. I don't really want to meet people in the same field that I'm in because I don't want to know pretty with similar interests as I have. I can't afford a gym membership😅. I know it takes friendship to make a relationship work, and I'm able to sustain friendships. It's just I don't want friends just to be friends because I'm not a person that likes to talk or know a lot of people.

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    • I'm stumped then, if you're not willing to make some concessions, you run the risk of never meeting someone. I have never been able to make a relationship work if there aren't some common interests between myself and the guy. A first date is going to go flat because there isn't anything to talk about. There has to be a little give on your end when it comes to putting yourself out there.

    • Give on my end? I've tried and failed to. I'm not someone who is able to handle large groups of people. I'm lucky to handle being in a damn class room.

Most Helpful Guy

  • You should be prepared to be alone. Either you suck it up and be brave and go to one of these places that are "out" for whatever arbitrary excuse you gave or work on your wrist techniques. No one loves those scenes they endure those scenes because they're the most productive places for meeting people. A party gives people the excuse to just walk up and chat because it's understood that everyone at the party is at minimum willing to be approached. The alcohol is there because it effects people's inhibitions and allows people to do things they often would not. It's a double edged sword but it works. The loud music provides a distraction for odd lulls in conversation. Parties are purposefully designed for quick meeting and work significantly better than most other situations. So you're asking us to help you meet people while you're purposefully hindering your own chances by prejudging party goers. I was in a fraternity. The first guy I met before I joined was a physics major and we spent the night discussing astrophysics. That same night I met a theater major who gave a small monologue from the taming of the shrew" (I think). The second party I went to I bonded with a girl over how easy the ACT was compared to the SAT and made a bet about who scored the highest. We tied with a 33 and just drank anyways. Yes party people do dumb things but they aren't idiots. You just have to choose your party sites wisely and that means you have to go out and meet people there. I was like you when I started college. I thought people who partied were idiots but that was just a lie I told myself to avoid facing my social fears. My roommates forced me to go over and over until eventually I realized party people are just like everyone else. Some are really smart others are not its just Harder to judge because often everyone's a little intoxicated but if you sit and talk to them most can still hold a pretty decent conversation.

    • Yeah... No. I don't like parties or drunk people. It's a waste of my time. I'm not invited to them so I don't have to worry about going to them. I'm not going to endure those places just to waste my time meeting someone who is completely unfit to have a long term relationship with.

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    • I doubt I'll even be alive by then.

    • You should read up on cognitive distortions and maybe dig into some positive psychology. I know Harvard has a whole course online for free that's pretty good. I use to be a really helpful person in situations like this but this site has burnt me out. At some point people have to try helping themselves.

What Girls Said 0

The only opinion from girls was selected the Most Helpful Opinion!

What Guys Said 2

  • Wow. You don't leave many options.

    Have you considered escorts?

    • Not even remotely funny. Plus I have no money...

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    • OK then you need to make some changes to your brain chemistry. I'd advise trying natural supplements before going the pharma route. You may want to start researching what will help you, because I don't know and can't simply tell you "Take this and this".

    • I'm on medication. The natural route didn't work very well.

  • So basically you hate doing everything?

    • God forbid I like doing other things than what most of society does...

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    • There is a difference between professional and private life. In my private life, I wish to only deal with and be around wholesome people as opposed to the ignorant.

    • You said below you have depression. I know how hard it is to wrench yourself out of that rut, because depression convinces you that you deserve it, that you're a bad person and you should just stay at home and be miserable. It helps you come up with all the excuses it needs to keep you depressed.

      YOU have to want to do something about it. This is not being invalidating, it is saying that you have to want to improve, to fight through it, or else nothing will change.

      Getting over your mindset of thinking how stupid other people are and going out to do stuff is going to be the crucial step here, I think. You will not be convincing trying to disguise this contempt in your professional life. Good luck.

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