Messaging EX boyfriend who now has a family?

Okay, guys i don't want to be that ex who randomly texts you and your like fuck off. You know? I don't want him back or anything but i was just going through emails and the way i treated him when all he ever did was love me with every bone in his body devastated me, I just want to give him a heartfelt apology, ( this is like a year old ) we speak here and there, And about the family part ( his girlfriend has a daughter who he's being a step dad too they've been together maybe like 8 months)

Should i just not do what i feel? Is it redundant? I'm really sorry for my actions, and i want him to know that. But i don't want to intrude on their relationship. Honest advice please.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Do nothing. Your only gonna make him remember the past. Let him and you both move on and do not contact each other. He is really trying it with this new girl. He obviously likes her just leave it be. Its best to go your own ways. Exes are exes for a reason. People only hold on because they could see getting back together. Its best to live your lives separately


Most Helpful Girl

  • If you speak here and there, then I think it's fine if you apologize to him. If you weren't in contact anymore, it would be a different story.
    HOWEVER. I'd keep the apology short and simple. Something like "hey, I was just going through some old emails, and reading the things I said to you and reflecting on how I treated you made me feel very bad. I just want you to know that I'm really sorry and I regret behaving that way. I wish you the best with your current girlfriend."
    Anything longer than that will just make you come off as clingy and he could end up questioning your motives. A shorter apology actually does feel more genuine as well in most cases, especially if you apologize for something that happened a long time ago. It would just feel a bit unnecessary to write an entire novel to him at this point, you know.

    • Literally wanna copy and paste that. Thanks ! Now I'm torn too apolgize or to not

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • I actually DO understand the desire for "closure".

    However, unless you see an ongoing friendship with him (AND especially a friendship with his new love) to emerge, do not expect more than closure.

    • I wouldn't mind having a friendship with him, but i'm not really seeking that. Just want him to know, he could laugh in my face i really don't even care i'm just dissapointed in myself.

    • In that case, I say do it. You need the "closure". That closure might be very painful, but you need it nonetheless.

      I know most everyone else here disagrees with me, but I don't think they understand your need for closure.

      Anyway, I would suggest the following:
      1. A polite email, or even letter. Texting is too impersonal.
      2. DO NOT meet with him unless and until the new lady is present. You do not want to cause any upset.

  • Just dont
    Im telling you even if you dont want to hear it
    I doubt he cares about what you said anymore
    Just forget about it

    • :/ maybe you're right although he did message me like 2 weeks and we were talking and he brought up how i treated him so maybe he does still care?

    • Maybe he does then I don't know
      I don't know what to donin this situation then

    • Yeah maybe i won't it'll probably look super pathetic anyway LOL. can't have that.

What Girls Said 2

  • It doesn't matter if you're sorry.
    Leave him alone he already one he's happy.
    I'm sure he wouldn't even care

    • Lol. sigh who would have ever thought i would be the pathetic ex realizing she missed out on a good thing.

    • It happens. Just need to move on and let him be happy

  • I say just apologize.