im 22. I've never held down a relationship or really been in one because I'm very flighty. My first boyfriend ever compared me to a rabbit: I look so perfect from afar, but when someone comes close I run away. And he's right. I fear letting my guard down; I fear starting something with someone bc I fear the end; I fear trusting someone when I don't trust anyone; I fear the whole thing. I was raised to not trust men, and to not look up to them to complete me. That said, I challenge men a lot and set up traps that they fail in early on when i see them. Like the previous guy I tried to start something with... Things were going VERY well 2 weeks in... And I set him up with a fake girl, he failed, long story... He thinks I'm batshit crazy bc I freaked on him.
I live severely in my head. The men I make the guys out to be in my head are different than who they are. I'm also very possessive over the men I see, and I notice everything going on. I'm sensitive to shifts in behaviors or any little thing, and I blow it out of proportion and make them out to be the "bad guy." It's easier to make them appear bad for me and to end whatever we have vs actually starting something and setting myself up to be lied to or mistreated... Or maybe I just fear actually being happy with someone too. I don't know.. But it's been a pattern with every guy I see. I don't come across as possessive until the end where I lose it and lash out on them, sending them running to the hills.
I have a date with a super nice guy this Thursday. I've had a crush on him for years. We've never met but I finally found the opportunity... And I'm just so frightened that I'll blow this all up again. I don't know how not to. What do I do? How can I not be possessive, set them up, stalk them (yes, I take my brother's car and will literally spend hours stalking them), or look into every little thing they do? Where does this stem from?
Most Helpful Guy
"I was raised to not trust men, and to not look up to them to complete me."
Bitter as fuck mother? I mean this sentence alone explains a lot. Whomever raised you, messed you up psychologically.
You should seek therapy to unfuck whatever it is that your parents taught or said to you when you were growing up. Everything you've listed sounds like it can't be fixed by a few simple words of advice on the interwebs. You need professional help.2
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