Do you feel like clinginess is a double standard?

So I've been seeing a girl who's been acting super clingy ever since I met her. I posted a question about it the other day, but her clingy behaviors include, blowing up my phone daily, sending nudes if I don't respond soon enough, asking me to hang out nearly every day, throwing a fit if I'm not able to hang out certain days and accuse me of seeing others (when were not even in a relationship), or even throw a fit if I reschedule our dates and still ask if I still wanna see her.

The reason I think it's a double standard is because when I've asked some people about it, guys say dude smash it or she's into you and some women will say the same things and act like I'm being unreasonable or an asshole. I'm kinda hesitant to even sleep with the girl then part ways because that might drag the situation on even further.

But let's be honest here. If me or any other male acted this way, especially by sending dick pics to get a girl's attention, throwing a fit if a girl isn't available, or ask to hang out every day, she'd run for the hills. She'd tell her friends and most likely her friends would say eww drop him, that guy sounds clingy, needy, and desperate as fuck.

And believe me, I had to learn the hard way how clingy behavior is a turn off. I've made some mistakes that made me come off as clingy just by misreading signals.

Clinginess/distant isn't a black and white thing either. You can stay in touch without contacting someone 24/7 or not contacting them at all. It's called balance. Plus I have a life of my own.

I just think it's nonsense that when a girl acts clingy, it's ok even if the girl is physically attractive but once a guy acts this way, it's an instant dealbreaker. Not that I'm saying it should be ok for guys to act clingy because clinginess isn't ok regardless of gender

The most ironic thing about this situation is first, I had an issue with women being flaky and ghosting, now I got the opposite problem that I never thought I'd have.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I wouldn't say it's a double standard. Clingy girls are just as "hated" as clingy guys are. I just think that maybe people who haven't experienced clingyness themselves don't realize how awful it is lol. Especially guys who don't typically get attention from girls.

    • I think it might be a double standard relative to how physically attractive a girl is, not that it makes that behavior any more ok. For example a guy might be ok with a girl he thinks is beautiful showering him with attention and won't leave him alone because it's less effort he has to make to please a woman whereas a girl who's just ok or not attractive at all that's acting clingy towards a guy would push the guy away.

      Not all guys are like that obviously, but I know some who say they're ok with it because they don't get much attention from girls like you said.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't think it's too much of a double standard. We're just kind of hard wired differently and have a different kind of upbringing as to what to expect. Clinginess is a kind of weak/submissive behavior. It's somehow just a tad more forgivable for girls at the moment, though ideally we wouldn't tolerate it for either sex.

    That said, about clingy girls, they tend to be a lot more fun in the short term. The amount of attention they'll want from you and give you is pretty nice provided you can keep up with it. Where things can start to suck is longer term when they start making you choose between time with them or your friends, things like that.

    If you have a conscience, I wouldn't "smash it" and move on. Clinginess will tend to be accompanied by major heart-breaks and lots of drama. Maybe better if you talk to her about her tendencies and see if she can at least make some progress towards adjusting her behavior. You could stress the need for some degree of independence and space as being a critical ingredient of a healthy relationship.

    • I told her she needs to slow it down and she was oblivious to that.

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    • Yep just goes to show that appearance isn't everything.

    • "She even once told me she wanted to break up with me and ran out on me in a restaurant, making a big scene. Then when I thought, "I'm freeeeeee!", she called me up crying and asking why I didn't chase after her."

      You dodged a bullet right there. That girl sounds like a psycho who plays mind games that she expects you to abide by.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • I personally don't think acting clingy (excessively) is ok for any gender. Clearly that girl is not mentally stable and what she's doing is unhealthy. Try to distance yourself from her.

    • Yeah. And while I haven't had the best luck with women myself, I'm not desperate for that.

      This might be exaggerating a bit but I could see her throwing a fit about hanging with my female friends.

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    • One thing I don't get is if you are that distrusting and keep asking people if they still wanna see you and are still interested, and accuse them of seeing others even when they agree to a date, then why do online dating in the first place?

    • Because she has issues and doesn't realize it.

What Guys Said 1

  • There is something of a double standard. Your example isn't really a good one though as that kind of clinginess will eventually turn any guy off. But you are right that society allows women to be much more clingy than men. I personally eventually find it annoying and cloying that a large majority of women expect to hear from a man every single day and expect men to at least put forward as much interest and effort as we did in the very beginning every single day or they think that we don't like them as much and that there is some kind of problem with the relationship. Every now and then I need time unwind and focus more on my own life and what I'm trying to achieve and show my friends that they're still important to me.

    • Yeah exactly. It's like you can stay in touch without smothering people. It's not like it has to be at one extreme or another. It's not either a person is super clingy or they're extremely distant.

    • But this is why I hate texting and all the mind games that come with it. Like some girls think if you text a day or 2 after a date but not overdoing it, you're clingy, too available, overly eager. I don't have patience for that shit.