We've been seeing each other pretty often for a few months. Lately she's been revealing things that are 'wrong' with her. She trying to scare me off?

I like her a lot and I'm already past the point where I'm starting to get attached to her.

Some of the things she's revealed to me lately: the scar on her face she got from an accident (it's visible, she must have thought I was completely blind not to notice). She had been telling me she is losing a lot of hair and I asked her what the hell she is talking about, then she showed me and, although I was taken aback, it didn't change the way I felt about her at all. She has really low self esteem and I try my best to lift it, but, she either tells me I'm lying, or just generally doesn't seem to believe me. She even tells me that she's 'so ugly' without make up so I asked to see her without any. Still, nothing. My feelings for her haven't changed. My past ex's never had any of these types of "flaws", but... I guess it's hard to explain.. I have never felt the way I do about this girl and even after seeing the whole hair thing (which by the way, after seeing it, I can understand why she feels so.. down i guess, but it still doesn't change anything as far as my feelings go). Is she trying to scare me away with her "flaws", or is she just letting me know so I don't feel like she deceived me?

Opinions? Advice?


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What Girls Said 2

  • hi, mmmmm had to think about this one, scare you away, surely she should of used these techniques and truths right at the start which possibly could of scared you away. to me she must be feeling secure enough to expose them, you mention her low self esteem im guessing this part was more obvious along the way. the questions i would be asking is where does this low self esteem come from? you cannot be the answer to fix this however you can help her, as for the hair loss this is major issue this could be linked to stress, anxiety on a more simple level or medical if possible get some professional advice. personally its happened to me through stress and anxiety. helping to build someones confidence is tricky, especially not knowing anything about her or you. as a strange example if you took her rock climbing or canoeing or to an assault course for fun my point is building her confidence if you get what i mean, please feel free to reply and i will too xx

    • Hi, yeah, that does sound like a good idea (the activities that we can do to attempt to boost her self confidence). I totally understand what you mean when you say 'helping to build someones confidence is tricky' because, to be frank, I don't have the highest self esteem myself. I just, don't know what to do right now because, after she showed me the whole hair thing, I feel like the night ended kind of abruptly, not the way it usually did during the past months.

      Also, due to the fact that I don't feel like God's gift to women myself, I can't shake the feeling that I am some last resort for her because she feels like she has all these "flaws". The first time we met, she told me she wants to have kids by next year (this has gotta be a scare tactic right?) But that'd lead me to believe that she is letting me know she doesn't intend on wasting her time. I am just super confused, I don't know what I should do next.

  • She has extremely low self esteem and I understand how that feels. Always compliment her though. Don't stop. And when you hang out together or go out somewhere tell her she looks nice. Just find SOMETHING to compliment her on EVERYTIME you see her. It might take a LONG WHILE for her self esteem to improve but just try to help as much as you can. I don't know this girl but I feel like she might not exactly understand why you're attracted to her. She's revealing to you all these "flaws" because she probably doesn't want to decieve you I guess but she might also expect you to reject her in disgust or something. I don't think she's trying to scare you away though!!

    • I'm so far from disgusted by her. Patches of hair missing or scars or this or that didn't change any of that for me. I do compliment her and i do tell her how pretty she is, but after she showed me the hair thing, I didn't really say anything about it. I just kind of touched and caressed it.. This is the last "flaw" that she showed me. The night ended kind of abruptly and I don't know if it's because she feels like a partially balding head is a dealbreaker for me... I don't know what to do from here. It doesn't help that I am not exactly Mr. Self-Esteem either. I'm just so lost I don't know what to do. The only thing I know is that, I just like her, a lot.

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    • Also, it's hard to think positively when i am a depressed person myself..

    • I get it. I'm not the happiest person myself and it's hard to make others think positive when you're trying to improve at it yourself. I honestly think you're doing everything you can to make her feel beautiful and loved though :) I really don't think you have anything to worry about but again keep any disorder or disease in mind or consideration. Just to be safe.