I'm great friends with an "ex" but the new girlfriend is threatened by me. What can I do?

Someone who is, essentially, my ex just recently started dating a girl. We saw each other for less than a month and then called it quits for a few reasons (I was going across the country for two months for a theatre contract. He wasn't sure he felt strongly enough about me for long term/long distance). But we decided to stay friends, and just to see what happened when I got back. And we became close ones over the past month.

Now, two weeks ago, he met a girl at a wedding. She lives on the opposite side of the country from him, so it's a long distance relationship. He talked about me to her. But she is now mad at him for "inadvertently leading me on" and also feeling threatened by our friendship. She feels like my communications and general closeness with him mean that I "can be his girlfriend emotionally while not being his girlfriend." I can understand her point of view. I probably wouldn't like the situation, myself.

My friend thinks we should be a little less attached. But admits that we're close and that he still wants to be close. And talk (and not necessarily stop the talking everyday that we currently do) and hang out when I'm back. And stay good friends, not just "friends."

I've had friend situations implode due to girlfriends being jealous or threatened. Please note, I have never done anything to actually try to break anyone up. I tend to be good friends with guys, and I am a talkative person. One of these friendship implosions healed after that girl was gone. He is still a best friend of mine and his current girlfriend likes me a lot. The other one stayed imploded. Regardless of my feelings for a guy, I would never ever ever put myself between the guy and the girl. I have been cheated on and it sucked. I don't want to put anyone through that. But I also don't want to lose a wonderful friendship.


Most Helpful Guy

  • There are only two possibilities: You either back away from the guy or he tells the girlfriend to back down with the jealousy routine.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Do you. And you two do what you two want to do. If he decides he needs to give up you for her then he will and he wasn't that great of a friend. If he gets rid of her to be friends with you then good she sounds like a crazy bitch. You don't have to do anything, it isn't your girlfriend and not your problem. I know that sounds weird because it is your friend and your friendship but truthfully you have no liability to this girl other than not being a bitch and trying to sabbatoge her relationship for personal gain or sleep with her boyfriend and you don't strike me as a girl who's going to do this.

    I have an "ex" who started seeing another girl while still talking and sleeping with me. That girl HATED my guts and banned him from talking to me even though she has never met me. Which he only stuck to for 4 months of their 11 month relationship.
    They broke up, we became good friends again and hooked up. Well 5 months after being broke up they got back together on the condition that I get deleted from Facebook (she's 24 years old...) and he stops talking to me. Well he deleted me from Facebook because who cares and he changed my contact info in his phone so that I look like a male friend. We never slept together while they were together (oh except for when they first got together because I WAS THERE FIRST lol) But her crazy psychoness when it comes to me got her the permanent boot. And then we spent a weekend together about a month later.
    Crazy bitches come and go: your friendship will last if it is a good one. If it isn't, then you thank the crazy girlfriend from saving your from a shitty friend.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Just stop being friends with him if you respect their relationship. It is not normal to remain friends with an ex-girlfriend after a guy has secured a new relationship. Think of how you would feel if your boyfriend was chatting it up with his exes, people who he slept with and whatnot.


What Girls Said 1

  • This is precisely why I don't even pretend that I can be friends with a guy I used to be mentally, emotionally, and sexually intimate with. It ALWAYS causes problems sooner or later. A lot of people aren't comfortable with the idea of dating someone who's super close to someone they used to f*ck. Someone who clearly still has an emotional attachment with them and may want to try and rekindle things later or just get some good ole dicking.

    Plus, as you grow older, there's really no use for a woman to have a man as a best friend or for a man to have a woman as a best friend. If you plan on getting married, your SPOUSE should be your best friend. You shouldn't be looking to another man (or woman) in order to bring you mental friendship qualities that your SO should be bringing. Anyway, if you're a true friend then back away so as to not sabotage his new relationship.

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