How do I convince him not to be scared of something good?

Well I had been talking to this guy mainly about college stuff for many weeks and eventually he asked me to hang out. I refused and refused to go to his place because it would be the first time to see him alone. So he decided to drive 15 minutes to see me late at night. We had an amazing night together. We fit so well together. There was an instant spark. Well the next day, he started considering how he was leaving in a few months and would be gone for a year. He said he was not looking for a fling, but that if we kept talking things would get more serious and would make it harder to say goodbye when the time came around for him to leave. So we decided it would be best to just stop seeing each other after an amazing night. He said he honestly did not want to stop talking, but it would be best for both of us in the end. Now all this was discussed on the phone and he was real sincere and you could tell he cared. Now when he started texting me he was in a way very blunt just trying to block it out. I know he cares, so how can I show him that what we could have could be great if he would give it a chance? I told him how I feel about him and that even if he went I would wait for him to get back. He has to care I mean who would drive so late at night just to spend time with someone if they didn't care. I think because things clicked so well he is afraid of being serious with someone and then have to leave them. I do not know please help me understand.

We decided that we should just let it go. It really tore me up. We didn't talk for a week then he text asking how I was doing,I told him not so good but I told him I assumed he was. He said he does care or he wouldn't have text. Now he backing out again.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Ultimately, for a relationship to work, both people have to be on the same page. If you are convinced that it could work, even with him leaving, but he's stubbornly convinced that it won't, things won't work out. Now, you have a good reason for feeling the way you do, and so does he.

    The way I see it (just my personal opinion), sometimes the magic just happens and you instantly "click" with someone for an hour, a day or a night, but a relationship is much, much more complex than that. You can't force the chemistry--when it's there, it's there, but it won't be there 24/7 and that's when the work of holding a relationship together comes in. Add to that the strain of long distance and you have a real challenge ahead of you. He sounds like a caring guy and a gentleman to me, so I do tend to believe he was being honest with you about his hesitation to get serious and suddenly cut things off. (He could have his own personal reasons, like past heartache, etc.)

    My advice, if you like him as a person, seeing that you realize he'll be away, offer friendship. Plain and simple. No pressure for it to turn into anything more than that. Hopefully he'll be willing to keep in touch with you on a "just friends" basis, and if you grow closer in that way after a year, you never know what may happen. Best of luck.

    • Thanks, hope it all works out : )

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    • OK, I would personally strongly suggest the friendship route, for a number of good reasons (including the fact that pushing a relationship right now might permanently burn things out), but anyway.

      Clearly state your intentions to him, as clearly as you're telling me. Tell him you're sure (if you really are) that together, you can make a relationship work, and explain why. Try to say it in a low-pressure, friendly way. He will respond, and whatever he says, you should respect his decision.

    • Thank you for everything I must seem like such a nuisance. I will take your advice. Hopefully it works out.

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