We had a great first date.. but then he disappeared! What happened?

Ok, so this is what happened. Last week I went on a date with a guy I met on Tinder named Chris. Our date was lovely, he kept complimenting me, we were having a great time, and ended up kissing at the end. We had even planned on going out for a second date later on Friday, and we texted each other normally in the next day. On Thursday he told me he was sick, we chatted for a while, he tried to sext me but I gently turned the subject of the conversation, and at the end of the night he told me he was going to sleep and would text me on Friday morning. We didn't talk on Friday, neither on Saturday until I sent him a message Saturday night, to ask him if he was feeling better. Then he told me he was still sick, and just after I told him "hope you feel better" he blocked me! I realized that during our date I said some things that maybe made him feel a little pressured, but it was never intentionally. And we talked about this issue later. He told me that he wanted to see me again but he was feeling a lot of pressure because I told him that I never had a boyfriend. So I told him that I didn't want him to feel pressured because we were just getting to know each other and the only reason I wanted to go out with him again was because I enjoyed his company and enjoyed the way he was treating me. So I don't get why he vanished two days later, there wasn't any reason to do that at all! I was not putting any pressure on his shoulders! What do you guys think?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I was seeing this Jewish girl. We had a fantastic first date. Very sexually charged first date. At the end of the date, she was acting all shy and asked, "So, are you going to call me again? I mean, you'd have to be crazy not to." And I was totally going to call her again.

    So... why didn't I? Well, the answer is simple. It's because I met someone else. And like, compared to this Greek girl, this Jewish girl had like no chance. I know we all root for the underdog, but like, I'm just doing what's best for me. That's how life is. And that's why I never called her back.

    Another time that happened, my friends tried to set me up with this Croatian girl (similar to meeting people online, I had no idea what she looked like, never met her before, etc.). So, we went out, and right off the bat, I wasn't attracted to her. On top of that, she wasn't sexually interesting or exciting at all, and she was fucking useless in terms of where her life was going. But, I didn't want to be rude. So, I do what guys do best... I faked it. We had a great time, she ended up liking me and asking her friends about me, she ended up calling and e-mailing me... and I was like a fucking peasant holding up the rolls of garlic so Dracula would go away. I was like, as diplomatically as possible, LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE DO YOU NOT GET THE HINT B*TCH?

    So, my advice to you is, stop beating yourself over it and wondering what you may have done wrong or what you might have said that made him feel XY&Z way. It may very well have absolutely nothing to do with you. Maybe he just met someone else and just forgot about you. Don't take it personally, and just move on. Don't waste time and energy dwelling on what you never had to begin with. Move on to more productive uses of your time and energy.

    • Thank you pnl86! Yeah, I know that I souldn't overthink this whole situation.. but is just that he was really nice to me before, during and after the date. He was always saying how beautiful and sexy he thought I was, he said he wanted to be the best version of himself for me (lol) the told me the most romantic stuff you could ever imagined. So I didn't understand why that happened, I guess you're probably right, but I think he also lost interest because he noticed that I was into him.. maybe he was scared of hurting my feelings, I don't know.

    • He lost interest because he realized you were into him? How does that make sense? No. Don't take away anything from this experience. You will never really know why he moved on. Don't drive yourself nuts and make yourself undatable as a result of adopting some rule out of this experience. He just wasn't interested, and he was just going through the motions of a date so he wouldn't be rude. That's all. That's what I think.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I think he had to do with the sext thing, guys feel sexually rejected by girls when we do that. It also had to do with the fact, that maybe since you've never had a boyfriend, it meant you didn't know what to do sexually (not necessarily sex, but kissing, foreplay etc) and that is the other 50% of building a strong relationship. Don't be too hard on yourself, he probably didn't want to be that guy that used you, and left you. He thought you were one of the good girls.

    • Thank you for sharing your opinion! Yeah, maybe that was the problem.. I don't know.. I was upset because I really enjoyed our date, and I know he did too, but I guess something I said after made him to go away.

    • Its not something you said, guys usually don't know what to do in those situations. A lot of people subconsciously settle in relationships, so it makes it easier for them to part from the person they're dating. When we finally meet the ideal, or someone we really like, we usually don't know what to do, and we mess it up. I'm pretty sure he didn't want to pressure you, or make you do something you weren't comfortable doing.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • I had a great hour long conversation with this girl at a restaurant last Saturday well week ago Saturday , I felt things went really well but been down hill and downhill hard since then , she's barely said anything to me and I've seen her at that same restaurant and another bar we go to since then. she just acts annoyed at me and may have something going on with this dude who works in the kitchen. things seemed good and been all downhill since.

    so for your situation not really sure just know your not alone

    • thank you friend!

    • in my case the girl hasn't disappeared but that's likely only cause she can't , she has to go to that restaurant cause she works there and is only like 1 bar in that area to go to , I'm sure if there was another bar without me there she'd go there instead

  • sure he was sick and pressured (sarcasm) he was probably hung over from drinking too much or man-slutting around, and giving you excuses, forget his sorry ass, girl, and move on. where do you girls keep finding these idiot guys? sheesh! if i had a girl on the line id be on top of it 24/7 with keeping in touch with her.

    • Thank you for your advice! haha.. yeah, I could tell from the start that he was lying when he told me he was sick.. I think he lost interest when he noticed that I was into him.

    • your welcome, the guy was definitely messed up in the head.

What Girls Said 1

  • He's a commitment-phobe.
    You're biggest problem was looking for a date on Tinder, the most well know hit it and quit it site. Men are looking for relations without a relationship.

    • But that's what I don't get.. because during our conversations on whatsapp we both agreed to take things slow (even in the sex department).. and he was very romantic (until he vanished, lol).. but I think you're right, he probably is a commitment-phobe. And also, why does every guy think that women are desperate to have a boyfriend? smh.. anyway, thank you for your opinion afrochick :)