Is this how dating is done now? She never contacts me first. How should I handle this?

It should be noted I was in a relationship for 7 years that ended and I'm not exactly good at this game. So, I meet this girl and managed a number. I text her talk for a bit and ask her out. She agrees when she has time. That sorts of puts me off. I tell her to contact me when she does have time. I wait and hear nothing. I decide to text her one more time before moving on. I text something like "Hey, I'll be free in a few hours if you would still like to go out for dinner." She texts me says she's free and makes plans to go out that night. I go to pick her up and she makes me wait (classic). She comes out looking fabulous and I get a small adrenaline rush as she gets into my car. After a short drive we reach the restaurant and we ended up talking so much our food got cold and we the only table there at closing. I thought we hit it off. I drop her off and ask for a second date and she agrees. I don't want to do dinner again I'm trying to find something interesting and fun, so a day hasn't been picked yet. I'm still trying to maintain some light contact, but I feel like she's always brushing me off. I'm starting to feel like an annoyance. I've stopped contacting her for a few days. If she doesn't reach me out by then , I'm going to ask her out once more and then that's it. I'm trying not to be clingy. I've been talking to other girls to sort of draw attention away from her, but I can not stop thinking about her. I don't want to blow this, but i don't want to play games. I thought she was into me, but now I'm not so sure.

Alright, so I decided to stop initiating and after a few days she did end up reaching out to me to see how I was doing. This week we're both booked, but she seemed excited about making plans for a second date. Thanks for the replies.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I am sort of the same way when it comes to dating; I was in a 6 year relationship that didn’t work out and so now that I am back in the dating pool, I am sort of clear with myself on what characteristics I want on my next (and hopefully last relationship) and do not want to settle with anything less. Not to toot my own horn, but I am quite a good conversationalist, so when I go out on dates.. its usually never awkward. Regardless of how much I like the guy, I sort of expect him to make the first move (I am quite old- fashioned) so may it be a start of a conversation or a phone call, I usually wait until he reaches out unless I have made prior promise that I would get back with him. This is mainly on the fact that everything now is made easier with modern technology, you want to feel/ know that the guy you like is putting in a bit of effort and is interested. Again, this is just my two cents.

    But going back to you, you should probably ask her how she is doing and if she is interested in going to the beach to watch the sunset / site seeing/ go bowling / play billiard or mini- golf (or whatever activity you have planned out as you mentioned that you did not want to do dinner)- and ask her when she is available. If she is into you she will get back or give you a concrete date. Otherwise, you gots to move forward.


What Girls Said 1

  • If someone never Initiates contact then It shows you are never on their mind. I tend to stop contacting people who never intitiate because I feel I'm being a nuisance and they are just responding out of politeness

    Stop initiating. If she cares she'll notice, if not then you know exactly where you stand with her


What Guys Said 1

  • it's possible she's just busy. The fact that she went out with you is a big investment from a woman. I would persist but also not put all your eggs into one basket hoping she's the one as the relationship isn't that concrete. It's possible she gets distracted or has other suitors as well