So my girlfriend and I have been together for about seven months (we go to college together). In the fall we met and grew very close. She initially had a boyfriend, and he was a dick to her and dumped her and I was there to take care of her and make her feel better. I always had a crush on her but as we spent more time together I really began to fall in love with her. She was always wanting to hangout and be flirty, but we never "got together". When we got back from break, we finally did get together and we started dating shortly after. However, I learned she was sleeping with another guy after she got out of her relationship first semester for about a month, and was hiding all of it from me. Since I have found out (in Feb.), I have been crushed. It hurts so badly thinking of her sleeping with some guy over and over when I was falling in love with her. This has been a problem in our relationship for a few months (mainly bc of me not being able to get over it) and it has really gotten to me. We have been apart for about 7 weeks bc i am visiting family, and during this time I have felt great progress in accepting her past. But today we were on the phone and she told me that she has been thinking about it a lot, and every time she thinks about us during first semester she gets really sad because of what she was doing. She really really regrets everything she did, but that can't be changed. It seems like we have switched places. Since then, I have had that flood of emotions about the topic come back and I am starting to lose hope. I have been thinking, what if our relationship gets really serious and I am not able to look back on the time we were falling in love without becoming really sad? Knowing what actually happened, it has ruined the entire experience for me. I love her very much, and do not want to end things with her, I am just scared that this past will haunt us forever. It seems as if the foundation of our relationship is flawed, and I really don't know what to do.
Most Helpful Girl
If you want to be with her, you just have to somehow come to terms with it. It was much before you guys were together, and she had just gotten out of a bad break up on top of that. Plus, she didn't care about that guy - maybe he was a distraction - but it was you she was falling in love with. Probably why she cut it off after just a month.
Anyway, try to focus on the present. How much you love each other, the different things about her you like and enjoy, how good you guys are together, what new adventures you want to go on, how good the future sounds with her in your life, etc. Don't dwell on the past and the things that can't be changed. Her path to you might not have been as straight as yours was to her, but that doesn't have to invalidate what you guys have and built together. You can't let it.0
Most Helpful Guy
If her past is something that you cannot bear or accept then the best solution is to break up with her. In your case it does seem that you are unable to accept her past and forgive her, so it's best that you break up because you cannot be paranoid all the time and keep doubting her, you can't live in fear, you rather should not live in fear.
Hence if you can then try to put the past behind and enjoy your present with her, if you think the past is killing your relationship then it's best for you to break up.0