Girlfriend never treats me like a priority?

I've been dating this girl and things are serious between us. However, I never feel like a priority. She moved away for college which is why we are wait a year and a half until we can move in together, while we both pursue our degrees. During the week its the same thing, she has to the college so she can get her financial aid or her registration. She needs to go sailing with her dad. Her step mom invited the whole family to dinner so she needs to do that. She needs to go job searching so she can get income. I totally understand that she needs to get registered for college, that's the whole reason she's out there! I understand she wants to spend time with her dad and her stepmom because she hasn't seen her dad in a really long time and wants to make the best impression on the step mom. I understand that she needs to go job searching so she can make money so we can move in together like we plan to do. I just don't see where i fit in, as selfish as that sounds. I dont want it to sound like "me, me, me" but last night she planned to talk to me after a whole day of college registration, job searching and going to dinner with family. She came home at 8:30PM and fell asleep on accident because i got off of work at 9:30PM so she was waiting for me. She woke back up and i just got the vibe from her texts that she really wasn't in the mood to talk. I sadly couldn't respond cause she sent me the texts while i was still at work but it seemed like a really fast "oh dang i fell asleep.. am i too late? im too late.. okay goodnight!" Its almost always me texting her, me calling her when we agreed prior to the times for us to talk. There was this one time where she planned to go to an art festival with her dad and stepmom so she could acquire an opportunity for an internship however it was right after we agreed to talk on my break. All in all, she sadly left to go to the festival because i took my 10 minute break 10 minutes too late, soooo

when i called her, the call kept breaking up so i hung up. I tried talking to her about it but she got very upset. In the end she agreed to change things up so we could talk but its turned into the same thing again. I want her to spend time with her family and have a life but i dont want to be pushed aside everytime it happens.


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What Girls Said 1

  • " I just don't see where i fit in, as selfish as that sounds. I dont want it to sound like "me, me, me""
    I am sorry to be saying this, but you actually sound very selfish. It seems to me that she's trying really hard to fit everything into her program. Have you tried explaining her how you feel?

    • i did but she got really upset and now i just dont want to bring it up anymore. I really dont feel like a priority to her anymore, on our last day together we went out to go bowling and hang out but her dad called and i was totally fine with that cause yeno its her dad. But it took 30 or 45 minutes and it started out really important (about her plane) and ended with just regular old catching up about what classes she's taking, leading to just regular old small talk. I let it slide because it was her dad and she hasn't seen him but when i called her the other day to send her her clothes, i got 10 minutes of conversation and then when i cried telling her how much i missed her, she left to go have dinner with her stepmom and family.

What Guys Said 1

  • This is not a matter of someone is right and someone is wrong. She may have excellent reasons for doing all of the things she has done and you have reasons for why you want more time with her. This priority issue becomes an important issue in a LTR/marriage. This - how she is treating you at the present - is as good as it gets. She may treat you the same way after marriage or it may get worse (especially if you have children,) but it will not get better.

    You cannot change how she treats you. All you can do is accept it as it is or tell her that you need to find someone else.

    • Why will it not get better? I mean i thought that since she moved, we would miss each other terribly and spend as much time as we could with one another. Like for example, i gave up my registration for school so i could mail her some of her things. Also, isn't it true that when you really want something, you make time for it?

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    • I think if she panicked and needed someone to comfort her, i would be the person she would come to. I feel confident in that response and to respond the same way to the horrible loss. I know she would come to me in these scenarios. I just want to know what i can do to resolve it, other than ending it because i would like to work things out with her.

    • You can tell her how you feel and observe if she makes any change in her behavior, but you can't make her change and you probably can't make yourself be satisfied with being a low priority in her life.

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