Is my method of dating outdated?

I'm in college right now. I don't use social media, tinder, or any other multi-media platform to find women. I do it the old-fashioned way in which I meet women face to face and ask them if they want to go on dates. I look to build on relationships and this takes time for me. I'm not one for hooking up and I do not go to bars to meet women. Currently I've asked women to join me for coffee and the results were positive. Now I currently want to ask a women out for dinner to a restaurant, pick up the check, etc (similar to what your parents would have done at the time). The only problem is, I'm nervous because I feel like this isn't the way dating works now. My question is: is my method of dating outdated? Am I being too traditional or chivalrous? Would this be seen as too eager or too pushy? Are modern college women (US) into men who ask them out on dates that does not require hooking up, alcohol, or the bar scene?

I guess I just wasn't made for these times.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Who cares if it's outdated! If that's what works for you go for it! I agree 100% That's exactly what I would do if I chose to date, not getting peoples numbers to strangers you don't know! But I want to know that person as a friend before jumping into a serious relationship. Because if we have conflicting views, forget it.

    • It's been three times we've seen each other (each lasting about an hour). Should I make some sort of romantic gesture now and let her know I'm interested?

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    • Thank you so much, if you don't mind: tell me what sort of romantic gestures (like gently touching or something) is proper?

    • @Asker First see if she is comfortable with you to be that close to you yet. Holding her hand or embracing is a good way to send those signals out. Friendly gestures, not sexual. Don't even go there even if she's interested. You also need to know what kind of person she is as well.

Most Helpful Guy

  • To me the good part of old-fashioned is approaching women in person, becoming acquaintances, and asking to hang out. Awesome.

    You'll tend to find better girlfriend material that way than in places that often pit the two sexes against each other (dating site, night club, bars) which often favor a lot more superficiality since people go far more by first impressions.

    The bad part where you *do* need to go edgy here usually is how you are dating once you got the girl on a date.

    The girl has to desire you sexually. That's the goal if she's not already desiring you or at least quite curious about you sexually. That applies even if you want to marry her. A girl is not going to marry a guy she doesn't desire or is at least strongly curious about sexually. At the heart of romantic desire is still lust, same for us guys.

    Coffee and dinner dates and being chivalrous doesn't necessarily plant the seed of sexual desire. For this you do have to learn when to turn off gentleman mode a bit, learn to playfully touch the girl, tease her, joke with her, share intimate thoughts with her. The physical and emotional bonding will build trust and get her to lower her guard, and at that point you generally need to be able to seduce her with your touch. You have to learn how to turn up the heat.

    And for this, it can often be helpful to not just stick to coffee and dinner tables but do some activities where you two have a closer physical proximity and can touch each other more easily. Anything from strolling around side-by-side to doing physical things together like ice skating or sitting next to each other on a scary ride at an amusement park (the adrenaline rush is also a nice icebreaker and transition to something more intimate) can do the trick.

    So to me it's your dating that might need some work and some mental adjustment on how to woo a girl and make her desire you sexually. Otherwise, awesome.

    • So tell me, I'm going to see her when I get back to campus. We are probably going to get coffee really briefly. Should I just be straightforward with her and do things like hug her and playfully tease her? Do stuff like touch her hand and stuff like that? Please elaborate?

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    • As a man of science and understanding, this is a very insightful post. I highly value your explanation on this topic and have opened my eyes (a rather difficult red pill, I may add). Thank you, please take me in a disciple. I'd love to know more from someone with this sort of experience in the field.

    • Feel free to follow and I'll mutually follow you. Your identity is confidential with me and feel free to message with me any questions. I'm far from casa nova but I was in the exact same kind of boat as you before. It took some training to realize that at the heart of romance is still sexual desire, and that I need to pay very close attention to what triggers it in women.

      After I did that I kind of lost the idea of romance. I had a sexual conquest for a while until I inadvertently fell in love with a girl and experienced even the most cliche feelings like obsessing over her at work and wanting to doodle her name over and over in a notepad. That part is, surprisingly, real when it happens -- that almost obsessive desire to be with her and craving her company.

      Unfortunately the first time I fell for a girl, she got away. And it was back to conquests again until I found another who made me feel that way. I didn't let that one escape. I married her.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • I'm the same way! I can't stand getting to know someone through a screen. It's so fucking facile and uneventful!!

    Being an old soul in these times is a good thing :) You just have to find the right girl to appreciate that. People who would rather experience 50%-70% of the romantic experience by interacting with a screen and charming/being charmed on a website probably can't keep up with your style of life anyway!

    • Tell me, should I just be upfront with her the next time I see her and ask her out?

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    • Sorry when I mean by upfront, should I be like:

      "Hey, you've been on my mind for a while. I'd like to take you out on a date." That kinda thing. Let her know I'm actually interested in her. I still haven't made a move and I know my window is closing.

    • Ohhh! Okay, I see. You could say that or it could just be as simple as, "You hungry? Lets go get some food" *if you work together or go to college together* or "I have a big surprise for you. Be ready and wear something nice" *or something casual if you're gonna go rock climbing or something" The best way to show you're interested is with your actions rather than saying it if you guys haven't actually gone on a date yet

  • It's not outdated
    However there are different types of women.

    I like things the "old fashion way" as I see more value in it.

  • It would only work for me if we were friends first.

    • Wouldn't that turn into a friendzone? For instance, I've gotten coffee with this girl three times, and we learned a lot about each other. Wouldn't it be fair/reasonable to make a move already?

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    • would you say you represent a large majority of college or college bound females in their views on this matter? Sorry for the questions, I'm a detail kinda guy. Went to an all boy's school so I don't really no much.

    • To be honest I am not too sure. I don't have many female friends. I would be creeped out if a stranger just approached me and asked to get coffee. Stranger danger. I would say there is a decent amount of women with the same mind set.

What Guys Said 2

  • I think you're doing just fine. Honestly, I think there would be a lot less confusion and a lot less hesitation if more men approached dating and relationships the way that you do.

  • "I guess I just wasn't made for these times."
    Welcome to the community.

    Do not worry about such things. Would you ever want to date a girl who is only interested in guys that use social media?
    What does it matter if girls that you wouldn't connect with don't find you attractive?

    Do not worry. We may be a small community, but there is an even split between girls and guys. It's just a matter of finding each other.

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