Friends With Benefits Complications. Anyone help?

So I was friends with benefits with my guy best friend on and off for 3 years, and every now and then we would take a break for about 1-2 months then start again.
But the weird thing is, whenever we were on a break, it was just normal life. See him every day, nothing weird, normal friendship.
But then when we would get back on it and be friends with benefits again, I would slowly get feelings for him, and try to make it into something romantic. We'd do sexual things and I'd always take whatever he said seriously and assumed he liked me etc.
And as usual when we took a break and went back to being friends, all those feelings were lost and he was just a mate again.
We're still in this cycle and we've just gotten back on again and I don't want to go through the feelings thing again
What is this? Do I get feelings cause I like the attention? Do I actually have feelings for him?
Help please xx


Most Helpful Guy

  • Maybe you're not cut out to deal with friends with benefits situations, many people aren't (especially women).

    • I think its mostly because I love him too much, because he is my best friend. I think its just the wrong people.

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    • Right, so basically you would want him to be your boyfriend. It's not healthy for you to get strung along like this (and miss out on other guys, friends with benefits or boyfriends).

    • Yes I would seriously love that.
      But really I just want to be loved and at the end of the day I don't care who it is. Cause I've never had someone feel that way to me.
      I know damn well its not healthy and Im sick of it. Its just hard to get out of.

Most Helpful Girl

  • When girls have sex, we give off a love hormone called oxytocin so that may be a contributing factor to why you catch feelings for him during the periods of time you guys have sex :)


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What Guys Said 3

  • i will never understand friends with benefits. I will get emotionally attached all the time. Is there anyone out there like me? who wants a be with someone other than to just have sex?

    • Maybe that's why I always get feelings, cause I want a healthy relationship, and not just the sex. I am exactly like you but I get myself into this mess because I love my bet friend too much and I sometimes feel like doing this is my only way of keeping him in my life

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    • Yea, i can understand. For me i try to avoid having a friends with benefits because i know eventually i will get hurt. I always wanted a healthy relationship... like to court a girl, be romantic with her, do fund things, get to know her on the inside and after that emotional connection... then have sex. I think your guy should stay with you not just for sex, but that he loves you and really enjoys who you are... and not just some sex object.

    • #BrittBratt2416 Thank you so much, I could not agree with you enough. Sex is something i feel that comes after... like i want to be able to love who she is and build that emotion between us, not just mindlessly have sex. I want sex to be with someone i care and love with all my heart and she feels the same for me...

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What Girls Said 2

  • Women gain feelings when we are sexual with a man. When your a part those feelings for period time the feeling can start to dissolve. Sense your asking this I think your feelings have stuck this time.. really think it over and maybe talk it out with him.. ask him if he sees more with you or is just sex. If just sex on his part, then I would discontinue having sex with cause it will only cause you more confusion.

  • Because you need attention which is not wrong at all but don't you want a guy who respects you loves you cares you as his girl friend not a guy who uses you?
    Girl you deserve better than this.
    There are plenty of right guys good guys out there who will give you tons of love and attention.