New boyfriend moved for work, we both agreed to exclusivity- all of a sudden, he's ignoring all of my texts and calls. Does he want me to dump him?

Hello all. I started seeing this guy (he's 24, I'm 30) and things were going great. I really liked him, so I wanted to take things super slow and potentially ease into a relationship. Finally, about a month and a half into dating, I agreed to be mutually exclusive with him- and was happy to do so.

About a week later, he calls me with news that he has to move back to his home city (about 2 hours away) for his job- which, I found completely understandable and was willing to work with. We put off having the "what will become of 'us'" talk until I decided I wanted clarity. After much discussion and weighing of pro's and con's we decided that we were going to give this hell and try our hardest to make it work, as we both like each other very much, and don't want to abandon what is and could potentially be a great thing. Before he leaves, we agree to be "in a relationship" on fb with each other- silly, I know.

So, he moves all of his stuff back home and we talk off and on amongst the week he has taken off to move. He seemed a little distant, but still managed to text a bit each day- and even called me later in the week, as he felt like he was neglecting us and honestly missed hearing my voice. I told him, it was all good, I understood he was busy, and he didn't need to call- yet, he reassured me that he really wanted to hear my voice. After that we spoke off and on into the weekend, when I knew he had a big event with his friends- so I wanted him to have fun and left him alone. I went over to my best friends house, where her 3 yo daughter took a photo of herself, her husband and myself- which I posted to instagram, thinking it was cute.

Since I posted that picture, I have not heard a word from him. I texted him good morning, that next morning and figured he was hungover when I didn't hear from him that night. Before bed, I wished him good luck on his first day the next day, and didn't hear anything. It has been almost 5 days, with 0 communication. What should I do?

I forgot to add, this guy made me a copy of his apartment key a few weeks before he left, telling me that I would need it in the future. He still has this apartment, and the majority of his things there, so that when he comes down we can stay there (his job is also paying him a significant amount per month in moving expenses- and therefore he is able to easily afford two places.) I still have the key... So, is this kid just naïve, very trusting, or just ambivalent?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Sad to say, I guess, but it sounds like he dumped you in a most crass and ungentlemanly way.

    • Thanks for the response! I definitely appreciate it. Deep down, I think you're absolutely right. It sucks, but it's the only thing I can think of. I'm honestly not sure why he hasn't removed the fb relationship status with me, or at least hidden it. And also, why not unfriend myself, my sister and my best friend? How, in your opinion, do I go about getting my few things back that he has of mine, and returning his key?

    • Go over to his place, take your things, and forget about getting back his key. Leave him a note if you feel like it. Maybe something along the lines of
      Fuck you! Strong letter to follow...

    • Thanks for the MHG! What happened?

Most Helpful Girl

  • Don't Send any more Messages, @LizbelsABella, Nor Anymore... Pictures of Any sort, even if it is Just on his Cell. Let him Contact you with Whatever Lame Duck Excuse he Might have.
    It appears he Has Had a Change of Heart, with Having gone with his Buds to this 'Big Event,' and with perhaps Having a 'Hangover,' he has Thought it More Clearly Over and has Possibly Decided... He doesn't like to Hear your Voice as Much as you think Anymore. He seems to be in his own World with his own Life and May not Have the Goalies to tell you, which is Most Disrespectful to you.
    LDR, although this One is a Stone's Throw, is One of the Hardest to Have and to Uphold of any. If Only One person is Making the Effort and the Other is a Party Pooper on his own End, this can Go and Grow Real quick where the other Party is Drowning His or Her Sorrows in the End.
    Good luck. xx

    • @lizbelsbella xx

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    • I "Write" this Motto and use itr a lot. Yes, this is Exactly what it means "Reoccurring" and to Add it Keeps going in the same circle, nothing seems to change, down this Path. xx

    • Thank you for the Vote of Confidence. xx

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 3

  • Wait it out a few more days and if you don't hear from him, assume he's a douche and block him from your FB and your life and move on.

    • Thanks for your help! It's just absolutely bizarre. I'm hoping that he either broke his non- work phone, or is just extremely stressed out from the job. (He's just been thrust into a superintendent position that he's nowhere near ready for- he admitted it his ownself.) I will definitely re-evaluate in the upcoming days, and if I back out, at least my sister and best friend are still "friends" with him, so if he is alive- I'll get the happiness of knowing he's not dead in a ditch.

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    • I think that's what I'll do. And if you label your girlfriend "crazy" for wanting to know you're not dead, you're totally zonked in the head...

    • Yup! Lemme know how it works out. Now I''M curious.

  • Maybe he died. Have u seen him online during the 5 days of him not responding to you?

    • I have not... He isn't a huge fb user as it is, though. We are both iphone users, and are also both the type that use the "read receipts" (which was actually a huge attraction for me as it seems to show a bit of honesty imo) That being said, my messages have been delivered to his phone, but not opened and read. Now, that being said, he could have very well have turned those read receipts off and I would never know.

      I am honestly concerned that something happened to him. He's not the type to cheat, and is usually an extremely upfront person. (He's from Philly, Philadelphians are known to be extremely upfront, almost to the point of rudeness- and I have seen this in action.) I don't want to assume the worst, for fear of looking like a psycho hose beast. I just want to give him space, while at the same time giving him the comfort of knowing I support him without constant attention.

      And the sex/chemistry was out of this world for the both of us. Which I don't think he would leave LOL

    • If you know where he works now you could always call the company and ask if he is there at work.. you can choose from there to either talk to him if you're able to or hang up and move on assuming he's been ignoring you on purpose

    • That's a very good point, unfortunately, he's working on a huge job site (for a very large, worldwide construction firm) that uses cell phones to communicate. He carries his work phone all the time, but I don't have the number to that. he did, however, give me a key to his apartment down here, as he told me I would need it in the future- and if that's not the case, I'd really like to return the key to him.

  • I find his behaviour really bizzare. I have no idea why people do these things - just cop out on someone else without even a text or something to say they are ok. Whatever. I think he's probably just really busy? Stressed. Or both. I don't think he'd have gotten upset over that innocuous picture. And if he did well... best you know now right. 5 days is a long time to not contact someone you're in a relationship with. I'd wait it out a couple more days and if there's still no response, I'd move on.

    • Thanks for your response! He is acting extremely bizarre, and hasn't ever given me reason to think he would act like this. He's a very straight forward dude, who is extremely vocal when he isn't feeling something, so I'm very surprised at is actions. I will wait until the weekend, and if still no dice, then that will just have to be it I suppose. Thanks again!

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    • But my question is, if you've dumped me, why the hell are we still visibly together on his fb? I know, I know, facebook really doesn't dictate anything anymore, but I have our "relationship status" hidden on my fb- solely for the purpose of "if" and "when" he changes his status- I don't really want to look like a fool to my friends and family. His status is loud and clear with me.

      It sucks being a nice, chill person in this world... Give an inch and everyone takes a mile. Kinda sad that I had sex with him, even sadder that it was as good as it was!! LOL

    • I think you mentioned somewhere on here that he's not a frequent facebook user? Maybe the relationship status thing being visible isn't that big a deal to him. There can be a million possibilities and we wouldn't know which it is until he tells you himself - that is if he ever reappears!