Every guy I have met puts me in the friend zone. It's getting old. They want to date me, have sex with me but don't want anything serious. They also say no sex with other people as long as we are. But we can date others. So confused. Why do guys do that?
Most Helpful Guy
You are looking at things from YOUR perspective (aka the female perspective). Marriage brings a lot of status and benefits for you.
Look at it from HIS perspective. What benefits will marriage bring him that he doesn't already enjoy? What liabilities, expectations, obligations, and risks do marriage bring him?
If you can't explain why the benefits to him clearly outweigh the negatives/risks (and most people can't), then you have your answer.
Marriage was built around the concept of traditional gender roles and the idea that sex was generally only available to (most) men within marriage. It also meant that, while the man bore the responsibility to provide for and protect his wife/family, it also meant that he was solidly in charge, and that she worked hard to care for him at home and make his home life as easy and stress-free as possible. Under this system, marriage had real benefits for the man.
But since the rise of Feminism in the mid-1960s, women rejected traditional gender roles and being reliant on men. They now get advanced educations, work outside the home, make their own money, and are in charge of themselves. But that also means that they often provide little benefit to the man in a marriage that he can't already get in a boyfriend/girlfriend setting - sex and affection - yet his obligations to her - legal and otherwise, are significantly less.
You can't have it both ways - either you choose the freedom of doing your own thing and making your own way in the world, or you choose to add significant value to the man in a potential marriage. It is virtually impossible to do both, and most men have figured out that marriage under the modern system is a bad risk for the man.
I've known a couple of men who were great family men, worked their asses off to provide for the wife and kids, etc., only to have his wife divorce him 15-20 years in. She hooks up with some other guy and she gets the house, the kids,, the nice car, and half of his retirement and investments, while he gets a crappy apartment in a bad neighborhood, drives a 25-year-old car, alimony and child-support payments, and eats hot dogs 3 meals a day because he's broke.
Many guys grew up with their parents in this very situation, and saw it with their own eyes - and vowed not to ever let that happen to them.3
Most Helpful Girl
Because a committed relationship means they can't bounce out when ever they want to, they can't talk to other girls or have sex with other girls either. They're young, their not thinking about anything long term, their just boys who want go around and have fun without being "tied down". I believe in this day and age, commitment is made out to be something to be feared instead of something thats good. But not all men are like this though so it makes wonder if your going after the wrong type of men maybe?2