If a guy accuses you of being too needy or clingy, could it just mean that he doesn't really like you that much anyway?


What Guys Said 2

  • There might be some case where a guy says this just because he's not into the girl that much.

    But there are definitely cases where a guy is into a girl but she's stripping him of all of his independence and freedom, trying to make his entire life revolve around her.

    In my case, generally I don't say this lightly and by the time I've said it (one prominent case involved a girl giving me ultimatums about choosing her or my friends to spend time with along with doing things like showing up to my apartment uninvited), the girl has already kind of lost a lot of her appeal to me.

    There wasn't any going back in that case, she became no longer attractive by the time I felt she was needy/clingy.

    So for me the only time I would feel this is when I've lost interest in a girl, but that doesn't mean the interest was never there. The needy/clingy behavior made me lose interest, made me get tired of her.

    • What do YOU consider "needy" or "clingy," aside from ultimatums, of course?

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    • What was the final straw then?

    • A last ultimatum. We were on a train and I asked her very gently if I could see my friends at a bar and that she could come, and again the anger and drama. I was cold but I left the train without her at the last second so that she couldn't follow. Then calling and crying and I gave in again but I told her I just couldn't deal with it anymore.

      Then she begged me to stay with her one last time and so I canceled my plans yet again with my friends. She wanted to have sex one last time to remember me and I did that and then we were supposed to break up, but she kept coming to my apartment anyway after that like a wounded animal. I tried to be nice but I ended up being cold and mean and blocked her and ignored her from everything.

      It felt cruel because I still cared about her and the image of her crying face is still permanently engraved in my mind. But I just couldn't deal with it anymore.

  • If a guy says he finds you too needy or clingy, then he's currently feeling you're too needy or clingy. There might be other things he doesn't like as well, but maybe not.

    Try giving him some space and see how he reacts. If he wants still more space, then he may well want to drift away completely. If being apart from you a bit recharges his passion and he wants to get closer again, then that's the way it is.

    • What do YOU consider "needy" or "clingy?"

    • I'm yet to experience it with a woman I've been going out with. I've been lucky :-)

      More generally, if a woman makes the effort to see me in person, and has some interest in listening to me and not just offloading all their negative thoughts, then things are fine.

What Girls Said 1

  • No, I would assume that I am annoying him a lot and I should stop hitting him up all the time.

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