When To Tell Him/If I Should?

When I was around 7 years old I was sexually abused, now I'm 18 and have had three serious relationships and in each one I didn't tell my boyfriend that I had been abused. They all ended really badly--either I was too slow and wouldn't have sex with them, or at times I was a little distant.

For a few months I've been seeing this guy, and I'm crazy about him, but I'm not sure if I should tell him? Because on one hand it could end horribly like all the others, but also he could be repulsed by me and hate who I am.

I've talked to my friends and even my mom about this, and they all tell me I should just tell the guy, but I want to know all opinions and if I should or shouldn't, and if so when, and how could he possibly react?

--I want to know what would you as guys think, feel/react and want for the relationship after hearing this from your girlfriend?
-thanks <3


Most Helpful Guy

  • i used to go see this stripper at a strip club i used to frequent. i stopped going, simply because i figured out it was a waste of money, and was going for the wrong reasons. plus, i recently had surgery, and haven't been able to drive, so yeah i stopped going. anyway, I've been told that strippers will tell you ANYTHING to get your money. they're sort of there to live out small fantasies for guys, even if costs us. it's just their job. but what's weird is, she wound up confiding in me that she was raped. if anything, that should have turned me off, in my opinion. i shouldn't have wanted to give my money to a girl who was raped, right? so, why confide in me that she was?

    she and i got in to a fight about something i don't even remember what was about, and i tried making up for it, but she wouldn't have it and we dont talk to this day but

    im just wondering though, how SHOULD i have reacted to her telling me that. I think i remember just saying "im sorry he did that". but, is that really enough?

    • Honestly I don't know. I've never been in a situation where I COULD tell a boy about what happened to me. though I think all I would want is for him to just except me and not be disgusted or angry--I think that's what matters most rather than what you or any other guy says. But I guess any honest reply is okay after all you guys aren't psychiatrists, then again it varies from girl to girl im guessing. im not someone who wants sympathy and a sappy reply, just understanding patience.

    • well, if you don't feel ok about telling them, don't do it

    • so, what did you wind up doing, did you tell him?

Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes you should


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What Guys Said 2

  • you should tell him sooner than later. it sounds to me like your history of abuse effects how you act in terms of intimacy now. a guy who is aware of your history will (or should) be very understanding of your behavior.

    if i heard that a girlfriend had been sexually abused it would make me very aware and sympathetic to any and all reservations or hesitations she had around sex.

  • I would say tell him, it may make him understand why you go distant or are not wanting sex, if he does truly love you he will understand :)


What Girls Said 0

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