I feel like garbage, did I mess up?

Apologies for the fairly lengthy question. It isn't that long I promise!

Here's the short version. I met a girl on an online dating site. She liked my profile first, I liked her profile, we chatted and agreed to meet up. She did not seem to be comfortable calling it a "date" and said that we would just meet as friends (in essence). So we did and it was pretty fun. That night she added me on Facebook which confused me a little.

We continued chatting and then met up 2 more times. By that point I was really confused. I didn't know whether we were dating, or friends or what was going on really. To make matters worse, she'd share stuff on Facebook like those motivational GIF's that say "I don't need a man, I can date myself" which I thought was slightly suspicious.

Anyway, I brought it up to her while we were hanging out and basically said I wanted to clarify what it was exactly that we were doing. She said that she "had no idea how she felt about me" and "wasn't sure if she liked me in a romantic way yet." I was like, "Fine, no problem" and I dropped it. Then she started acting a bit weird over text and I was getting some pretty weird vibes from her. For some reason she thought that it was SUCH a big deal that we call what we were doing "dates" and that she needed to meet up a few more times before she was "ready to date." Anyway, I was starting to have enough of this, especially after a whole month, and pretty much all my friends advised me to just say what I wanted and be clear and direct... so I did.

She then said that I was "asking too much from her after 2 dates" (we met up *3 times) and that she honestly wasn't sure. She then said that after having this conversation she had lost interest and has now basically stopped talking to me and I feel like garbage.

Did I mess up, or did I do the right thing? My honest opinion is that she was just using me as a backup/attention guy while she dated around. Thoughts?


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  • Look they were dates even if she doesn't want to call them that--her mind a date may be something that's more romantic and she wasn't leaning that way yet, she was still in the feelin out phase.
    You were ahead of her and pushed her , so she dumped you because she didn't need it. If you felt like you did the right thing, go in peace.
    If you felt like you did the wrong thing, what does it matter? She's over you. I suggest you do the same with her

    • So in other words, I did mess up? This sucks... everyone seems to have different expectations for dating, I don't get how it's possible for anyone to be able to win this stupid game that has no identifiable rules at all

    • Dating isn't a game that's the first thing.
      You find someone you are interested in/attracted to and you go out to get to know each other better. If you click you continue to go out, maybe a relationship develops if you are lucky. Simple yet difficult.
      And as long as you hold to your standard of dating and don't adopt someone else's you'll be fine

    • I don't want it to be a game... but it seems like many people treat it that way. It seems really bizarre to me that with only a minor change in my behavior this situation could have been avoided completely. Don't people know that that's a possibility? Instead they seem to have this hair trigger, as soon as the other person does ANYTHING a bit off, they're totally donezo. Seems like there wasn't really that much interest in the first place if it only takes a little thing like that to irreversibly push them away...

  • You didn't mess it up. She couldn't make her mind, you wanted to know what was going on, she got pissed and this happened. I don't think it was going anywhere, you're better off looking for someone else.