First off, I know I shouldn't have hit her. I was completely in the wrong. But what has been bothering me and making me a bit upset is that when she hit me first didn't consider breaking up with her. And still even though she hit me fist I am more than willing to forgive her. And I apologized immediately after I hit her back. Let me give the full story:
We're both in college and we were coming back from a party. We were both had been drinking, and seeing how drunk she was I decided to walk her back to her dorm. (Keep in mind: I was also a bit drunk) On the way to her dorm we started arguing which eventually turned into a full on fight. Usually I'm able to keep my cool during fights but this time (because of the achohol) I started yelling at her. Although, she was yelling to she started crying and then started screaming for me to stop yelling at her. And when I didn't stop after about 10 seconds she slapped me. Without thinking (and hopefully it was because I was drunk) I hit her right back. It was a slap just like hers but midway through, I kind of realized what I was doing so stopped myself from hitting her with all my power.
She was in tears already but when I hit her she was a mess. I tried to tell her I was sorry. I beside myself. I tried hugging her and she pushed me away. I honestly had no idea what to do.
It's been about 4 days since the incident. We just talked again for the first time today. She said she wants to break up and doesn't think it is a good idea to continue the relationship. When I asked her why I was told it was because I hit her and she does not feel safe anymore. And she thinks I am an bad person for doing that, etc. I'm not really sure what to do or think. I feel like this completely unfair.
What do you think?
Most Helpful Girl
I think that two wrongs don't make a right and although she was foul, you were also foul for stooping to her level and escalating the situation. Sometimes it's best for you to let the other person be wrong instead of willingly choosing to be wrong along with them because what you are essentially doing is making the situation even uglier and even more complicated to move on from.
To be totally honest, she will probably never feel comfortable with you ever again after you put her hands on her. Before a bunch of defensive, dramatic men come rushing to my post saying, "Well, she hit him first! It should be perfectly acceptable and she should have no problem forgiving the man who's supposed to protect her hitting her!!" That's just not how things go. Trust is a major thing and once it's violated it's like pouring raindrops back into the ground. You need to be realistic about how you have damaged her ability to view you as a physical protector. Now she probably feels like you're something she has to worry about, like you're going to start hitting her in the face when you lose her cool. Yes, she was wrong, but I bet it was a wimpy slap that didn't even sting for all of 10 seconds and you responded by hitting her back with unnecessary force. It is fair and unfair at the same time.1
Most Helpful Guy
Forget that bitch. She shouldn't have hit you first, and shouldn't be surprised that you responded by hitting her back. You're just lucky the bitch didn't decide to press charges. That would have earned you a DV conviction.2