My girlfriend hit me and I hit her back, now she wants to break up with me? Was I completely in the wrong?

First off, I know I shouldn't have hit her. I was completely in the wrong. But what has been bothering me and making me a bit upset is that when she hit me first didn't consider breaking up with her. And still even though she hit me fist I am more than willing to forgive her. And I apologized immediately after I hit her back. Let me give the full story:

We're both in college and we were coming back from a party. We were both had been drinking, and seeing how drunk she was I decided to walk her back to her dorm. (Keep in mind: I was also a bit drunk) On the way to her dorm we started arguing which eventually turned into a full on fight. Usually I'm able to keep my cool during fights but this time (because of the achohol) I started yelling at her. Although, she was yelling to she started crying and then started screaming for me to stop yelling at her. And when I didn't stop after about 10 seconds she slapped me. Without thinking (and hopefully it was because I was drunk) I hit her right back. It was a slap just like hers but midway through, I kind of realized what I was doing so stopped myself from hitting her with all my power.

She was in tears already but when I hit her she was a mess. I tried to tell her I was sorry. I beside myself. I tried hugging her and she pushed me away. I honestly had no idea what to do.

It's been about 4 days since the incident. We just talked again for the first time today. She said she wants to break up and doesn't think it is a good idea to continue the relationship. When I asked her why I was told it was because I hit her and she does not feel safe anymore. And she thinks I am an bad person for doing that, etc. I'm not really sure what to do or think. I feel like this completely unfair.

What do you think?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think that two wrongs don't make a right and although she was foul, you were also foul for stooping to her level and escalating the situation. Sometimes it's best for you to let the other person be wrong instead of willingly choosing to be wrong along with them because what you are essentially doing is making the situation even uglier and even more complicated to move on from.

    To be totally honest, she will probably never feel comfortable with you ever again after you put her hands on her. Before a bunch of defensive, dramatic men come rushing to my post saying, "Well, she hit him first! It should be perfectly acceptable and she should have no problem forgiving the man who's supposed to protect her hitting her!!" That's just not how things go. Trust is a major thing and once it's violated it's like pouring raindrops back into the ground. You need to be realistic about how you have damaged her ability to view you as a physical protector. Now she probably feels like you're something she has to worry about, like you're going to start hitting her in the face when you lose her cool. Yes, she was wrong, but I bet it was a wimpy slap that didn't even sting for all of 10 seconds and you responded by hitting her back with unnecessary force. It is fair and unfair at the same time.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Forget that bitch. She shouldn't have hit you first, and shouldn't be surprised that you responded by hitting her back. You're just lucky the bitch didn't decide to press charges. That would have earned you a DV conviction.


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 4

  • Whoa.

    I think that no matter what, she's going to play victim.

    If it were the other way around, it'd be okay for a woman to hit back. Right? No. So, YES, it was wrong for you to hit back.

    But, honestly, she's probably going to cry and say how she can't trust you, etc.

    Even when I've been shit faced and gotten into an argument where, OH BUDDY, you have no idea how badly I wanted to hit her. Adrenaline was pumping, my hand was in a fist, and my body was ready for a fight.

    - In the end, it was me taking deep breaths and going "you're both angry and drunk. Calm down". I did and took the high road. She profusely apologized to me the next day and I was honest, it's still really upsetting and just give me some time to get over it.

    * * * You guys, I believe, shouldn't be dating. It's ruined by what happened. She'll probably never let it go; and thus, you'll never really forgive yourself. Or, she'll be timid and flinch EVERY time you raise your hand.

  • Yeah you were both wrong. And a breakup is probably best, regardless of who initiates it. You both have to grow up before you're ready for a relationship.

  • She is allowed not to feel safe around you and want to end the relationship. But also she should not tell you it is all your fault. She hit you first and should take responsibility for that. She was as bad as you in that situation but at the same time like you, she is well within her right to break up with you over it

  • I think she's being unreasonable, if that's the true story.


What Guys Said 4

  • Well you explain to her that she assaulted you under the law you can press charges against her that you where not in the wrong that it was self defense and that if she feels that its okay to hit you but wrong for you to defend yourself then yes you do believe you should break up because clearly she is only going to be more abusive down the line (as is likely women are more likely to abuse their partners then men are). Then either break up with her or wait and see if it sinks in that she is the one who fucked up and apologize though frankly why would you want to be with some one who hits you to begin with?

  • Don't think that you're a bad person or anything. Sure, you did something wrong, I'm not gonna lie and say you didn't. But it was a reaction, not only from the alcohol but from her doing the wrong thing as well. She was the first to commit the wrong, and if she says the breakup is all your fault she's wrong. You both did the exact same thing, and she broke up with you for it, meanwhile you're apologizing. You should keep your distance from her from now on but if she ever tries to come back to you or anything like that you need to move on from her.

  • first she hit u than bitchs hen u hit back
    hypocrisy my ass
    who hits first is the person wrong
    moreover if u hit her first she will call the police on you
    so break up with her she thinks she didn't do wrong
    if anyone thinks of replying to me saying no women should never hit a women even if she hits first

    fuck you

  • I think it's for the best, even while your intoxicated and get violent then theirs a problem.