Met a guy online... met up... messaged him only to receive no reply. Is he just not into me?

I'm completely green and inexperienced when it comes to dating, and being 21, I'm finding it extremely hard to figure out the ins and outs of dating. I feel like since I started dating so "old" in age, I'm over analyzing everything.

Anyway, I met a guy on OKCupid. I initiated the first message, and also, I'm black and he's white and we're only a year apart, if that means anything. We talked through messages on OKCupid nearly everyday for hours for about two weeks. We made plans to meet up for a movie this upcoming Thursday, but we were bored this past Friday and ended up meeting on a whim at a local book store. It went pretty well, or so I thought. He seemed interested in what I had to say, although I didn't say much because I'm really shy. He flirted a bit. We stayed at the book store for nearly 5 hours just talking and looking through books, and the only reason we left is because he had plans for the night with his family (and I knew before we met up that he had these plans because he brought it up days prior, so I don't think it was just an "out"), and despite that, we stayed until the very last minute we could. Also, he gave me a hug when he first saw me, and after he walked me to my car he pulled me in for another hug -- not just a side hug either, it was one of those cradle-squeeze-and-rock hugs, lol. Well, before he left I said, "So I guess I'll see you on Thursday" and he goes, "Yeah, and I'm sure we'll talk before then." On my end, it seemed like we had chemistry both online and off.

I sent him a message on OKCupid later that night, but have yet to receive a reply. I'd worry a lot less if he didn't usually reply within an hour, and on top of that, he's been online often since then. I just don't understand what's taking him so long to reply. Cat's never gotten his tongue (fingers?) before and he said he was sure we'd talk before then. I don't plan on messaging him again until the night before we're set to go to the theater, so I can confirm whether we're still on or not. Although I'm very curious and racking my brain trying to figure out what might be the problem, I don't wanna come across as clingy.

Am I ridiculous for over analyzing this? Is there some secret rule as to when you're supposed to contact someone after a date? We both have on our profiles that we're open to making friends as well, and I'd be okay with that because he's a cool guy. Would it be smart to tell him that I'm open to being just friends if he doesn't see me as anything more than that, or would that come across as desperate? Ladies and gents, help me please!


Most Helpful Girl

  • I'd say just take it a bit slow. Either he is into you and busy or he has freaked out a bit or he isn't into you that much. You can't tell yet. Stop over-analysing (easier said than done, I know!) and just go about your usual life. If he doesn't figure out that you are a good catch then that's his silly problem; not yours. For me, I'd stop worrying and try searching to see if there is anyone else. At least that way you are occupied with something else and when he does message just wait a bit before responding.

    Also - when you go on the next date, wait for him to message/ring/text you. That is the best indicator to find out if he is keen or not. If he isn't he won't message you. BUT sometimes it will take a few days. Enjoy the suspense - sometimes its the best bit! ; )

    Good Luck!


    • Thanks for your reply. I'm gonna take your advice and just stop worrying too much about it until (if?) I hear from him, which is tough because it was my first date and I'm excited, anxious, etc. If nothing comes of it, I'm sure I'll get over it. Thanks again. :)

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • You're like a hungry woman who's just escaped the dessert and you're desperately trying to get that one bag of chips from the candy machine that's not falling out. Simply reach into your pocket and buy something else.

    This guy isn't the only man on OKcupid who will find you cute, funny, and worth replying to. Now go date 10 more guys immediately! We've got the get this stink of desperation off your clothes!

    ~ Robby

    My Blog ( link )

    • Uh... what? I'm not desperate, and I'm well aware that there are plenty of other guys on the site. I haven't ruled every other guy on the site out in favor of this guy. As I said in my original question, I'm completely new to dating, which is why I even asked the question in the first place. Am I desperate because I'd still like to have the guy as a friend? lol

    • You're acting from a place of "scarcity." This makes you reach and grab for a guy who's not even interested, even if it means you only end up as friends. Instead you should recognize that he's not interested and focus your attentions on someone more worthy.

      If you had a feeling of abundance (lots of choice) then you would never waste your time trying to get some guy's attention who's not interested.

      Think of yourself as awesome and choosy - then act that way.

  • Now you've met him in real life you can call his mobile instead of playing around on the internet. So read this message, call his mobile. He will either pick up or not. If he doesn't and doesn't call back, then it's over.

    • Thanks for the reply. If I had his number, I would've called him, but we didn't exchange numbers so there's no other way to contact him.

    • Well that's not very clever now is it? Weird that he didn't even ask....

  • Hello,

    I completely agree with Alan, stop waiting your time with emails and texts, you have a phone call him, however if you only had a date a yesterday wait another day, Then call him a leave a massage saying you had a nice time and would like to see him again. keep it shirt and to the point. if you get no reply within 4 days then he's not interested.

    Good Luck



What Girls Said 2

  • I'd say wait a bit longer because he may just had some things come up. If he doesn't really make any form of contact in a week, then call him? There's nothing wrong with knowing about what's going on. It's too early to tell. If he doesn't make any contact at all in 3 weeks time, there you go. But it's still good to send him a message asking him what's going on.

  • um...he didn't like you, at least not like that.and I'm sure you didn't think it was and "out" that he had plans on friday nite with his family, but it was, it was more than likely a date with someone else.who really hangs out with their family on a friday nite?no one.unless your that much of a loser.those little signs you just look over are the signs telling you the obvious.follow your gut, and drop that loser.

    • Thanks for the reply. The only reason I said I didn't think it was an out was because we had talked about it way before we even planned to see each other that Friday. I really don't think a person who would go out with their family on a Friday night is a loser, lol, especially seeing as the family outing was for a birthday.

    • What I'm saying is they probably had a date planned for awhile.and chances are, its not for a birthday and even if it was they wouldve known about it before they made plans with you.