Girlfriend doesn't like me living with parents, opposing viewpoints, please help?

My long term girlfriend (want to marry her) and I have a great relationship but we differ on one aspect which I take very seriously, parents, in my culture it is not uncommon for children to stay with their parents and to take care of them when they get older, my girlfriend on the other hand says that children should move out at 18 and that its childish if you don't, as well as stating when parents get old you quote on quote, "put them in the old folks home", it seems like in America there is a stigma of living with ones parents, another thing I notice about America is that people seem to have horrible relationships with their parents along with a lot of broken households, how do I go about solving this problem, I work with my father in his business and the way the house is situated, it is 2 story and has two separate entrances, picture a separate apartment in a house ( has its own kitchen, living room, etc) that is connected to my parents side through only one door, so privacy is not a problem I have my own separate garage as well. The relationship is great but I just have this one problem with her, I love her very much but one thing that really gets under my skin and bothers me not just with my girlfriend but with people in general is how elders are looked down upon as if they are disposable and once they pass on its all about money, it irks me, I guess it is a culture shock for me at my age seeing how nasty parents and children here talk about each other or treat each other, parents throwing kids out and kids treating parents like garbage. and I really dont know what else I can do to stop my girlfriend from attacking me on this issue, no I do not want to break up with her like I said I plan on marrying her but how can I talk to her and have a rationale conversation? Thank you for your help.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Are you wanting you guys as a couple to stay in the same home as your parents forever? Maybe a compromise. You guys get your own place now and then when your parents need assistance you guys of course move them in. Is that more of what she means? As an American I do agree that we don't value that family unit very well, we value independence, but many of us are very open to parents moving back in. We are doing this with my grandfather and my husband and I have always agreed this will be the case if needed with our own parents.

    • Hello, in reference to your first question, yes that's the way previous generations of my family have done it, in our culture, and in reference to compromise, there just isn't any, she doesn't want any parents moving in, she says that when they are old you put them in an old folks home no discussion, I know i have already gone over this point but I just can't and won't do that to my parents putting them in a home and she just doesn't care about her parents it's disturbing to me, how not just her but many people I have spoken to state that your just suppose to dump your parents in a home, This has really been a culture shock for me honestly especially how many young people in America leave or get kicked out at 18 years old or younger you know.

    • And don't get me wrong I understand the whole independence thing and this is America so I won't expect people to follow my culture you know, but it's just frustrating seeing how different things are, by what i hear it seems like every bodies parents are pieces of crap or people are desperate to get away from them, it's funny actually having a conversation recently with some friends of mine, they hate talking to their parents the people who raised them but when I told them I enjoyed conversation and spending time with them, it's like I was an alien or mutant.

    • Well I don't agree with her about dumping them in a home. A lot of elderly people here tend to value their own independence as well so they can be a little stubborn about moving anywhere lol. I think that if you're able to you should take care of them. But unfortunately here many homes require 2 incomes to run and hiring aids for your home to help is very costly. So many people find that they don't have the resources either to be able to take care of their familt members. And I also agree about the parent/child relationships here. There are a lot of broken homes and families. It's sad. I was fortunate enough to come from a really good home, a really strong home with parents who loved one another and loved their kids fiercely. We are still super close, if not closer than we ever were today. Good luck with everything amd hopefully she will bend a little. I wouldn't be able to marry someone who didn't value family with me.

What Girls Said 0

The only opinion from girls was selected the Most Helpful Opinion!

What Guys Said 2

  • You must be Indian. anyways a lot of couples don't like living with parents before and after marriage... It can get very uncomfortable for example you can't have sex freely or other things...

    I can understand if you are young then I can understand but you have two choices. Ether move out or change the girlfriend... Lol

  • Have you tried turning her On and Off?