I find most men unattractive. What's wrong with me?

Of all the men I have met, and the few I've dated, almost all of them have been unattractive to me. There's only been two guys I found amazingly attractive to the eye and "took my breath away" I guess. They were the ones I really noticed. Unfortunately, all of these short relationships ended just as quickly as they started.

The two men I dated and did find attractive turned out to be terrible choices. I had hints in the beginning but I ignored red flags in hopes that I was just over thinking things, something I do all of them time. Both relationships ended badly.

The other men I've dated but didn't find attractive ended because I could never form a connection with them past friendship. No matter how much I got to know them or forced myself to pretend I was attracted it never worked out. I couldn't develop attraction. We just ended up as friends or the men never spoke to me again.

I've had a few sexual partners that I found gorgeous but we never dated because that's not what they wanted. I went along with it because I didn't know when the next time I was going to find someone attractive again. I loved being with someone who I found visually appealing and was accepted it when they eventually moved on.

I think my standards for relationships are too high. I find myself attractive and I have men approaching me constantly. I could want someone who matches that, as well as nice, caring, all that. But I know that's reaching, which I why I've given effort into dating men I found way less attractive.

I've always thought it's a problem from my childhood. My bio dad was an alcoholic and my mom eventually got rid of him. Haven't seen him since. My step dad was kind of abusive emotionally, mentally and physically. I still have a scar from being whipped with an extension cord and can rememeber all the times I've been called stupid.

Or maybe there's something else. Whatever it is I know this is a problem I need to figure out if I want to have a successful relationship.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I think you have a healthy, functioning set of eyes, really ;)

    Nah, first things first, don't force yourself to get with someone you're not interested in. Have you tried meditation (or CBT, counselling)? You need to try and uncover the subconscious thoughts you are having about these men, when you see them, when you approach you, as well as the thoughts you are having about the men who make it through your grand ordeals of fire. I think you're right to think that it's your experiences with men in childhood that are driving you. In terms of these men who did make it through your filters, what qualities did they have in common. What was so good about them? Out of curiosity, what do you think of men in general? I mean, subconsciously, not through the filters of the mind and societal 'respectability'.

    • I have mixed feelings about men. On one hand, I love being around them and what they represent, like strength, security, all that. On the other men make me extremely nervous. I feel I need to constantly prove myself. I'm always terrified a man has a motive I don't know about and is going to use me in someway. I also assume most men are liars, especially the really nice ones, and so far I've always found out someone lied about something.

    • Show All
    • and then something went wrong with those guys? You said you were ignoring some signs?

      In terms of the original question, it sounds simply like you're ultra closed up and protective? Understandable if you don't want to get hurt? So you're filtering a lot of men out.

    • One thing I extremely hate is lying. It irks my soul. Usually I'm pretty good at telling when someone is lying. I noticed the red flags when they chose which questions they wanted to answer, then switching the conversation completely. Or they gave very vague answers to open ended questions, or the replies just didn't make sense. If I continued to ask specific questions they would get mad or stop talking to me completely. Those were the main things.

      Other little things included hiding their phones, always needed to be somewhere, stuff like that.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I agree that your standards are probably just very very high. I am kind of the same way in that I don't find many guys that attractive. I also tend to find guys attractive who are "bad boys" or who I know probably aren't boyfriend or husband material by any means. And honestly I think that the reason we find these types of guys attractive is because there are tons of other girls who find them attractive as well, therefore they have the mindset that they can get any girl they want.. because they can! Eventually I found myself a really good guy who I also was physically attracted to, so I think it just takes time. In the meantime, like other people are saying, just try to focus more on their personalities.


What Guys Said 4

  • You're just one of the many women out there who over time have developed impossibly high physical standards and a taste for bad boys.

    • I don't want to be like that. The bad ones are no good and I won't ever be in the relationship I want with one. This is frustrating.

    • You might try focusing more on their personalities: fantasize about a man who's intelligent, funny, etc... be picky about that so you can really be amazed by some of them. You can also try to reduce your exposure to Hollywood where these days every guy has a perfectly square jaw and a six pack, even if he plays a hacker or a banker.

    • Also, stay away from dating apps and online dating because those will give you the impression that there's (physically) perfect guys everywhere who are just dying to be with you (they're not, at best there's a few who want to have sex with you, once).

  • So do I

  • and its why its better that the girl choose the guy she wants and not wait for guys to approach.

    • I've done that before and it didn't work out well. It was pretty embarrassing actually. I know men do it all the time but holy crap.

    • it doesn't work out because girls just are not into guys in the first place and assume some miracle "spark" will happen.

  • Do you find women attractive

    • I think women are very pretty and attractive. But I'm not bi nor lesbian.

What Girls Said 1

  • I feel the same way. Even if an attractive guy passes by, I'll just look a little bit, but go "meh"... and move on.

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