Is this common in a long term relationship?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 1.5 years. In the beginning I used to be your stereotypical clingy "I need to see him or I'll go insane"... but recently I'm quite the opposite. As in I'm slowly learning to be okay with not seeing him for a few days... and this will sound weird, but I'm not sure I'm okay with this feeling. The feeling of not needing to be with him, but wanting to be with him.
In the past he has suggested a few days to himself, which I used to make a big deal about -- but I almost get it now.

This is entirely out of character to me.

We see each other about 5 days a week -- which is quite a lot considering we don't live together. Usually it's in the evenings and we'll sleep over at one another's place. Sometimes we go out and do something sometimes it's an evening in. Regardless I of course enjoy and want his company. Is this a common thing in a long term relationship? I see myself being with him for the long haul and he does too. So eventually we would be living together. So does this almost prepare us for that next step?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Yeah, it's normal, you don't wanna leave him but it doesn't mean you'll want to be with him all the time. The beginning is always more exciting and we get carried away, stuff like that. With the time we change, it doesn't mean that there's something wrong though.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think it's normal, the same thing has happened to me a few times. I don't know if it's the same for you in the beginning, but I recognize that the reason why I used to have those feelings was more because I was insecure about our relationship and being with him in person reassured me that he still loved me and felt the same and blah blah blah, but as time went on, I saw that clearly he wasn't going anywhere and our relationship was stable, so I was more secure in going and doing my own things and spending some more time apart because I didn't feel like I had to hold onto him to make sure he wouldn't leave. As long as you still enjoy his company and actively want to still spend time with him, being okay with spending time apart isn't a bad thing. I think it's a sign of security and maturity in a reltionship.

    • *relationship

    • What does worry me is this turning casual and end -- But I assume after a 1.5 year relationship that if it were to do so then it would have happened already. I remember this happeneing a few times. I'd start seeing someone and all would be groovy, then a few weeks in I'd hear from them less and less and eventually wouldn't hear from them again. (These "relationships" would typically last 2-3 months at most.) I also wonder, if I crave the time to myself, does that mean living together may never happen? I absolutely would love to live with him, and move forward with him. But I mean, if I need that time to myself, wouldn't living together make it difficult?

    • Yea I get what you're worrying about, but like you said, also agreed that after such a long time together, this isn't exactly the same situation. With the previous ones those were likely because they really weren't that interested in the first place, but this is different, it's just a growing relationship and more secure and mature. I HIGHLY doubt the same thing is going to happen here.

      If you need time to yourself it does NOT mean that you can't live together, because there are plenty of things you guys can do on your own without each other. Pick up a hobby, or go out with friends without him, and even with stuff at home you don't have to be attached at the hip. So if he wants to sit down and watch TV but you want to read a book, you can do it in another room or something. Nothing to worry about!

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 2

  • Yup thats okay, its good not to feel like you need him to keep yourself alive lol. I love my boyfriend and I love spending time with him doing no matter what, and yes sometimes I do get sad I can't see him, but I know I need my own time too, time with my friends as well. It just teaches you that you're not each others lives but apart of them.

  • This is completely normal! And I for one, think it's great. It's so easy to get caught up in needing to be with someone all the time early in a relationship (the "honeymoon" stage lol). But after a while, once you love and trust them, you begin to realize, time apart only makes your bond stronger. You will automatically revert to the hobbies you had before you met him, which are the things that made him fall in love with you in the first place. It does not signify that your relationship is deteriorating. Rather, it shows that you're comfortable enough in it to hold on to him AND your independence 😊

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