Guys, would you date a girl with self-harm scars?

Guys, I have a question. (Clearly, that's why I'm on here.) First, I should explain. I went through hard times the past two years, and I was very stupid. I cut myself. There are a few very small scars on the sides of my wrists, where I thought no one would see them. (I was wrong.) However, there's also scars on my thighs. My right leg has the majority of them, though my left leg is the worst. In 8th grade, I carved the word 'ugly' into my thigh. It's two years later, and it has not faded at all. I thought I had put it high enough on my leg at the time, but boy, was I wrong. I can't wear most shorts anymore, and I can't wear a bathing suit without wearing a cover, or putting on heavy amounts of foundation to cover it up. Say I was dating you, and after a while of dating you, you saw the scars. What would your thoughts be? How would you react? And would that stop you from dating me? This goes for any girl with self-inflicted scars.
As a side note, I do want to throw it out there that I'm not as stupid as I was then, and I made a vow to never, ever do it again. It's pointless. I realize that. I do not harm myself in any way, shape, or form anymore.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I would date her, even if I knew going in. There are few things from a person's past that are so horrible that they would put me off to who she is here and now. If I found out after dating her for a bit, I would guess that she probably had some difficulties in the past. I would be curious and wait for a quiet, private moment to acknowledge it. Pretending I don't see scars isn't my style. I'd say something like, "I've noticed your scars and I guess you must have been through a lot. You don't need to tell me about it, but I'm here if you ever want to." I certainly wouldn't dump her because of it.


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What Guys Said 3

  • i would because i dont see how someones past can rule there future and i dont think scares should be an issue of they see the person you want them to see. the scares would be invisible so to speak in there eyes.

  • HECK NO!

    Cutting is an immature millennial fad.

    It is not an "affliction" not is it a natural instinct. No matter how much cutter say otherwise.
    Just as you have shown by actively choosing to stop. Statistics show it is mostly an adolescent thing.

    Back before 2000 kids were taught to deal with life and were told NO and punished for improper behaviour. Not everyone was a special snowflake who needed to self harm to get attention.
    It's societies fault that kids have become weak and unable to deal with basic day to day stresses that are nothing compared to the generations before them.

    But that being said... I would not date a cutter for the simple fact that it shows they lack mental stability which is not an attractive thing.

    • I completely agree with you up until the point with "lacking mental instability." Now, I'm not saying that some people who cut are mentally stable, but that doesn't apply to all of them. Because of the "social norm" of today's world, teenagers (and adults, too) automatically think, 'Hmm. If I cut, maybe it will help me feel better.' Because to us, it seems like everyone is doing it. Which is completely false, but cutters look for excuses. So we're not all mentally unstable, we're just doing what we think will help, because society has basically implanted that this is the way to do it, and hey! Be emo and sympathized with while you're at it, too! But nonetheless, I appreciate your opinion. Thank you!

    • Since cutting is more of a millenial fad... most are under 25 and even more are under 20. So I wouldn't say "adults".
      But it takes a certian lack of mental stability to inflict pain and damage on yourself. Even if it is not a significant lack.

    • I guess so, yes.

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