Why is dating and love so... backwards!?

I guess I can write more if need be, but I'm curious about people's responses to this and what it means to them...


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think it's harder to figure out what it is you really want than what you don't want. Longing for something in theory isn't the same as living the reality. You know you don't want someone who makes you feel bad, but you may not recognize more subtler ways of disrespect. You may feel that the woman of your dreams is independent - but what if the one you're dating is so independent you feel useless? Time is the only thing that can reveal your true desires with an individual - because every relationship is unique.

    Most people don't date people they love already, even if the attraction is so strong it curls your toes, they date people they could potentially love. But emotions can cloud logic and many jump to conclusions based on flawed logic. A woman feel that the man is perfect for her because his smile gives her butterflies, a man assumes that the woman is perfect for him because they can't keep their hands off each other. With time, the clouds clear and reality sets in - just because he gives her butterflies with every smile doesn't mean she likes the way he puts her down, or the physical desire for a woman can't make up for the fact that she can't have a decent conversation. This is something that takes time to figure out.

    To complicate all that you also have to determine whether you have the qualities others are happy with. It's one thing to think you're compatible and another to find a person who fully agrees, sometimes you develop feelings for a person who doesn't feel the same way, or they do initially and it fades.

    People change, or have been affected by past relationships, have different definitions to what love means to them. There is a smorgasbord of differences out there, trying to find one match your own can be similar to finding a needle in a haystack. You take your chances with what you have available, or you don't. It's up to the individual to decide. And we all know, evidenced by this very website that not all people make the right decisions.

    Love is hard to find when all the people who are looking adhere to strict preferences as well. There are those in both genders who are not willing to open their mind to all possibilities. And in my opinion, if you choose to limit your selection then there may be opportunities you are missing.

    I think love was backwards in Victorian times when women didn't usually have a choice on who she was marrying. It was easy for men of means to find wives, of course. But nowadays, even when finding the perfect match for you can be a crapshoot , I think when all parties agree that it is the real thing - it is more genuine, more meaningful that it has been in the past.

    • Thats a load of bull....srry...NOTHING today is more meaningful...the world gets more and more f***ed up...not better and better...its called entropy it applies to everything

    • You form your opinions on your experiences which I am not privy to - so if you feel that way, more power to you. But my experiences in life have led me to these conclusions, so I stand by them. I guess it's all in perception - while you choose to see decay, I choose to see harmony. Guess we just view life differently.

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What Girls Said 1

  • love is never easy, and it's never how it seems in the movies. love is a constant, and unbelievabley rewarding battle if fought right. we have to understand that you're taking two people from different families and different lifestyles and mushing them into one. the most important thing to remember is that no one is perfect. if you live your life thinking that there's someone out there that's "the one", you're just going to be let down. you can find "the one" if you understand that imperfections are beauty and that perfect is what you make it.

    • Some great points... but I still believe everyone should take what they deserve. pursue an equal... which is sometime a lot of people don't do anymore... lots of great girls with "dud" guys. guys they wouldn't be happy with... maybe now, but not forever... it just doesn't make sense, if dating is about finding the right person for you, why pursue someone that is obviously not right for you?

What Guys Said 1

  • i dun get it brah