My bf's friends don't accept me. What should I do to feel better about this?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year, and everything in the relationship is good except for the fact that his friends don't accept me.

We used to know each other at university, and his friends were always the exclusive, judgmental types who'd form cliques. Now that me and him are dating, it makes things quite awkward. His friend's aren't rude to my face, but I know they don't accept me, and my boyfriend knows this too. It just hurts a lot, when my boyfriend prefers to go to most of their parties alone (although I know that if I asked he'd bring me along). I know that he hasn't done anything wrong, but by going to these parties without me, I feel like he is choosing his friend's side over me. :( It really hurts my self esteem, and makes me resent him sometimes. Is there anything I can do to feel better about this situation?


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  • I wouldn't give your guy a hard time about this one, look at it from his perspective:

    Yes, his friends don't like you but they've been his friends forever, he's just trying to keep the peace by keeping you at a safe distance from them. It prevents you from having to be around people who make you uncomfortable, and it allows him to keep a good relationship with his friends.

    I have a friend who doesn't like my boyfriend (she's the type to think no one is good for me), but that doesn't mean I have to stop talking to her and hanging out with her. I especially wouldn't bring her and my guy together if I could avoid it.

    If it bothers you, I suggest you just open up about it, but don't force him to have to abandon his friendships by any means.

  • Can you give more examples as to why you think they don't accept you? You said your boyfriend knows they don't accept you either but how can he be okay with that? What's the reason they don't like you?

    Based on the information that you provided so far, I can tell you that the fact that your boyfriend chooses to stay by your side in spite of what his friends think shows he's a good person.

    • My bf's friends were all in sororities and fraternities, and have been known to judge others harshly for stupid reasons. When my boyfriend takes me to the occasional meal, some of them make no effort to even say hi to me. I once accidentally came across a message he wrote to a friend when we were dating, saying how he knew his friends thought I was annoying (they barely know me!), and he was worried what they would think and if they'd still be his friend, but then decided he didn't care.

    • I really love what RVGravy said, that he's keeping you safe. He wouldn't be with you if he didn't think you were worth the risk of losing friends and I think you should find some comfort in this. At some point those fools are bound to grow up and realize that you two's relationship is worth more than their opinions.

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