Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and 10 months. We do not live together. He has 2 boys, a four year old and seven year old. They come first in everything we do. My boyfriend puts them first and I put them first but my relationship is definitely struggling. They choose where we go, where we eat, what we do, when we do it, they are demanding, spoiled kids. But that's not their fault. They act out when they're told no or when they don't get their way and my boyfriend gives in. He gets them on the weekends so I think he feels like he needs to compensate for time when he's not there. I don't invite my boyfriend out for work events or my birthday cebration a lot. But when I do he can't make it "because his kids come first." He refuses to get a babysitter for 1 or 2 nights out of the year to spend a Friday or Saturday night at an important event with me. I have a very mature 10 year old daughter that will also let the boys have their way because their younger and sometimes I guess she feels like she doesn't have a choice. It's not fair to her. I'm working on letting her have a say and hopefully my boyfriend can soon see that she's suffering from the boys constantly getting their way. What's seriously bothering me lately is what my boyfriend said last week. We seen a 14 or 15 year old girl with bright red lipstick on and he said "thank god I don't have girls. I tried telling explaining to him that if we ever got serious enough to marry he'd have a step daughter. His response was "I can't think about that." My daughters father is not in the picture at all. Am I wrong for being upset with that? I see a future with his kids as my step kids. If I didn't I'd be waisting my time in this relationship. Kids come with the package. We both knew what we were getting into when we signed up for this relationship
Would you be offended if your significant other ignored the fact that your kids will be in their future if you lived together?
What Guys Said 2
1. First things first rules of engagement between people that have kids is include the kids in an equation always
2. Thoughts & ideas of even biological parents of the same kid differ & here there's no biological connection either
3. When checking on partners it's wise to keep not only an eye open but also keep it clear not to impose ideas (suggest & recommend is fine) forcefully about or on the children
4. In such cases it's best to prioritise children - if the child is over 20 or better 25 one can prioritise themselves0
Christ, what a shit parent and shit children. Your poor daughter is also going to end up suffering. Do yourself and your daughter a favor and get the hell away!0
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