She's NOT interested... right?

I'm gonna try and summarize this the best I can. I had/have a huge crush on this girl, she would always look over at me, and try to talk to me. One day, she wanted me to sit next to her, and so I did. We talked, and joked, and I ended up getting her snapchat. A little time lead on, and we continued to sit next to each other and I asked her "do you want to get lunch sometime", she told me "maybe one day!". Since I wasn't very descriptive, and since it was a "maybe" I said I would ask again. We again still talk in class and so on.

So, the weekend comes, and I pop an actual question, asking if she wants to go out on this day, to this thing, at this time. She said she couldn't because she already had plans this weekend. Well, according to her snapchat stories she was out doing things, so it wasn't a lie, but she didn't make an effort to reschedule. She sort of went cold on me for a day or two, then started talking to me a little again. I see her again tomorrow, but I don't know how to proceed.

I don't know if I should try and sit next to her in class again, after she went sort of cold on me, and I don't want it to be awkward. I have a slight glimpse or hope I guess that she likes me, but I don't know. I do know though, that since I like her, my brain will continue to perceive kindness and so on, as flirting, but if someone can just help me reinforce the situation, I may be better able to handle it. So if she isn't interested I can simply look at her as a friend, or if she is, I can try asking her out again. So, anyone have an input?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Give it a little more time. At this point it's hard to distinguish if she was being extra friendly or if there's interest. If you keep sitting near her, amp up the flirting a bit, and she isn't responsive, move on.

    • I guess, but next question. Should I attempt to reach out to her more (my biggest worry is coming across as clingy/needy)? Should I attempt to sit next to her in class again, or sit where I normally do and see how she reacts?

    • Try sitting next to her but don't go out of your way to do so. And maybe even use an "excuse" like asking questions about the work and kinda go from there.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Its a little too early to say one way or the other. You've done the right thing to make it apparent that you aren't there to be friends or in the friendzone so you are on the right track.

    I would personally give it one more chance since it sounds like she was legitimately busy, however you should of followed with "oh cool no problem, when is a better time?" So this time if she shoots you down, ask her when a better time would be. If she says I'll let you know, wait until she lets you know, if she just says I have no idea, then sounds like she's not into it.

    At the very least it sounds like you should just let it go if she keeps making herself unavailable. If she's into you she'll want to hang out. If you are getting a lot of pushback on trying to hang-out especially if you ask her when she has time, then chances are she's just trying to be nice instead of telling you there's no chance.

    • I've always been told to not bring up a follow up because if a girl was truly interested, she would. That being said though, its just so hard to tell. One day she's all over me the next she goes cold. I can say her friends seem to talk about me a lot, and she told her family about me (because her dad apparently wants to know what I like, wants to meet me etc), but she also totally ignores me, and goes on her phone at other times. I have times where I feel its obvious she likes me (friends, her family and her attitude towards me), and times where I feel like she doesn't (blowing me off, no reschedule, going cold, going on phone, etc)

    • I do agree to an extent that yes if a girl is interested and is not available the day you ask she might offer up a different date. However I've found thats not always the case, it just depends on the girl. She might not want to seem to eager its always hard to say that one thing is always the correct way to approach a situation. You have to constantly play things on your feet. To avoid games and sitting around wondering, you simply ask her when she's free, if she gives some bullshit you know you can stop putting your effort there.

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What Girls Said 0

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What Guys Said 3

  • Wow man it is way to early to be backing down. She had plans so she could not go with you if she wanted to. So after you asked her she had to think about her feelings for you and avoided you to think. That is not uncommon with women or guys when things change like that. Ask her out again and talk to her this time if she says no. Ask her if she just can't or if she does not want to date you. Then just be her guy freind. She might even get a crush on you afterwards.

    • Very true, my guy friends all say back down, but I feel like she still likes me, and she did have valid excuses. Like I said tho in another reply, its sometimes she is all over me, and other times she goes cold. Should I attempt to sit next to her in class again? Or just sit normally and see how she reacts?

    • Try to sit with her what could it hurt. Women are like that sometimes when they are unsure about a dude. I interestingly enough developed feelings for my shy female freind so I started flirting with her. The next day she stopped all social media encounters and was really shy around me. When we were together she made her sister sit next to me. Where as before she would not mind sitting next to me. Eventually she warmed up again and now it is more like we were when we were freinds. I'm still trying to get the nerve up to ask her out but she is not as shy around me anymore. Still there are some days when she is warm or cold around me. When she decides if she likes you then she will be warm around you again.

  • A lot girls like to be pursued and if you show persistence she will notice that. If she is still talking to you in class and you are getting vibes that she enjoys talking to you, then I would keep trying. Ask again, or say something like "When is best for you?" Think of something specific that she might enjoy, like hiking, going to the park, or going to a certain restaurant she may like.

    • So, do I try and show that I am pursuing her? Or try to show I'm backing off? I have her snapchat, so what would be good things to send her in your own opinion? Things to warm up to her, and eventually ask her out (without it coming across as needed/clingy).

  • If she really liked you, she would help you. By that, I mean she would tell you what days/times she's available. And she certainly wouldn't say something like, "Maybe one day." She's not interested; move on to another girl who actually has feelings for you. Ideally, just leave her alone, but try to be as civil and cordial as you can with her if you ever have to interact in class.

    • Thats what I thought, if she liked me, why not just say yes, or reschedule. Its just so hard, now having people telling me continue to wait and others telling me to move on, its very conflicting and I'm unsure what to do...

    • There's an easy way to find out: Ask her out again, and see who turns out to be right. I can already tell you what's going to happen, though. Your gut instinct was correct -- if she liked you, she would have said yes or given you an alternate day/time that would have worked for her.