Why doesn't this guy want to date me but yet he says he's attracted to me?

There's this guy I've known for a bit know, we met on a online dating app and well when we met in person it was great we had a good connection and chemistry I think, we talked/acted like we've known each other forever and we had fun and we also ended up making out (just happened in the moment) and then we chilled and stuff and he offered me dinner but I said no it's okay and well something happened and he stopped talking to me for no reason and then a few months later we ended up talking again so now we're talking and he said he wants a relationship but he's pickey so it's hard to find one (that's what he said) after he said that he also said "I know we're friends but you turn me on" and then I'm like well is that a bad thing and he said no it's not a bad thing and that he finds me attractive and would make out with me. My question is why won't he date me then?

He also calls me smart, wise, funny and stuff and he compliments me (not only on looks, personality wise too)


Most Helpful Guy

  • If you take the average man or woman, and you put them in a room with 100 age-appropriate single people, both the man and the woman would be interested in a romantic relationship with about 5 of the 100, or around 5%. In that way, men and women are very similar.

    But we are very, VERY different in this way: women are mostly only interested in having sex with that same 5% of guys - the ones they want a romantic relationship with - and maybe an extra 1% that represents a random super-hot or super-popular guy - the celeb, the rockstar, the athlete, etc. For that 1 super-attractive guy, she'll have casual sex - even pornstar sex - even if she's a "relationship girl". But, the other 94% of guys she's just not sexually interested in.

    Guys, on the other hand, want to have sex with EVERY GIRL HE FINDS ATTRACTIVE - roughly half of all those women, or 50%. Yes, that 50% includes the 5% he'd also want a relationship with, but the other 45% fall into this group that he is attracted to and wants to bang - but will NEVER want to have a relationship with. For whatever reason, he finds her physically attractive, but she doesn't "click" for him in some way.

    If you find you are in a guys' 45% - the girls he only wants sex with - you need to realize and accept that sex is the ONLY thing he's going to want - EVER. The chances of him changing is mind and wanting a relationship in the future - even if you're having sex - is very, very small. Sure, it happens once in a great while, but that's really the exception to the rule. Don't fool yourself.

    You also need to accept that, just because women don't have this desire for casual sex with lots of different guys, that doesn't mean that men don't have those desires for lots of different girls - because we do. We didn't choose to, it's simply how it is when you're a man and you've got a bunch of testosterone in your veins. You don't choose to be bloated or moody due to your hormones - but it is what happens anyway, and you can't control it anymore than we can.

    What you CAN do is make informed decisions about what you DO and about what you expect. If you're waiting for this guy to change his mind and want a relationship, well, I hope you brought a lunch, because it's gonna be a while. A LONG while...

    • Okay thanks for the advice! I agree I'm probably in that 45% thing with this guy and I won't like him or show that I like him. I'll just treat him like a friend, me and him will just continue being friends and maybe sometimes kiss and stuff without dating which I guess I don't mind because I find him attractive but just not sex.

Most Helpful Girl

  • He's a pickey prick and you're the back up chick. Lose him.


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What Guys Said 4

  • Well that's the thing you assume that he dosent want to date you off of a few words he mentioned about dating in general. He said dating is hard because he is picky okay general statement not really even nesisarily directed at you just a statement. He is picky okay let's examine that he is pick most likely in looks because he wants someone he is attracted to that makes since most people do. Okay so fat you know two things you are his type and he seems to enjoy his time with you and your personality or he wouldn't have ever contacted you again. So I say he dose like you even more so id say you and him are currently in what's called the coarting faze which is when your both examining the potential of dating but are in sure of the others intentions or wants. So it would be wise for you not to assume he doesn't want to date you and instead assume that he's wanting to know what your opinion is on dating him directly because he seems unsure. So talk to him let him know what you want with him specifically and move forward from there. Well that's my two cents in it I hope this helps you and him move forward with one another. Good luck dear.

    • I didn't realize it that way thanks for the advice! :)

    • No problem and again I wish you luck in whatever is to come of this.

  • You said no to the poor guys dinner thing. Freaking women, why you be so abnormal sometimes? Give the guy date ideas. Say something like "hey grizzly man I would really like to see into the woods but I have no one to go with". You gotta say in a low pitch batman voice. Be honest with the guy. Let him know you like him and consider going out. Also don't say no to his dinner thing unless it's not your thing then just suggest doing something else. Also avoid that batman voice idea. You'll probably scare him away.

    • I said no because I had no money at all and i don't think it's right if I expect him to pay.

    • Show All
    • I don't know. I honestly don't mind paying just as long as she's having a good time and says thank you. We just don't like it if a girl assumes that since we're men that's means we should pay for everything. Just tell the guy then what you told me. You didn't have money and you didn't feel right about him paying for. He'll understand. Also you could save up money and just go Dutch (split the bill)

    • Ohh okay I see, yeah I just didn't wanna seem like I was using him or anhfnjng so I just wanted to do something that didn't cost money but that was back then when I didn't have a job but now that I have a job I definitely have money

  • He only wants a booty call. It's so obvious.

  • kind of like megan fox. she's hot, but she's overrated. doesn't mean i wouldn't fuck her though

    • He says I'm smart, funny and compliments me tho (not only on looks) and he says I'm a good person

    • im just telling you what i think. i really don't care what he does

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