Caught my boyfriend in a lie and I need to know if I'm overreacting?

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years and ever since day one there has been a girl trying to break us up and at one point she did because he refused to stop talking to her and I had had enough. They went on a few dates for that whole month we weren't together he swore up and down they never even kissed. However, earlier today we were talking and she came up I said I would be mortified if he had ever kissed her and he finally admitted that he did. This was a little over 2 years ago and I'm just now finding out. I feel so disgusted by it and it's making me wonder what else he has lied about. He recently asked my dad for permission to marry me and I feel like I am just so upset I don't want him to ask me anymore because if he lied about kissing her for 2 years what else don't I know. Please tell me if I'm overreacting!!


Most Helpful Guy

  • They were probably having hardcore sex the whole time and been lying to you since the beginning. Who knows? Maybe you are just paranoid and that it could really just be nothing, maybe your boyfriend was trying to decide who is better in bed which is why he probably cheated in the first place.

    You can always demand a polygraph lie detector test although there are ways for them to cheat and beat it, but it's worth a try to see if how much of the truth had he kept hidden from you. The last thing you want is to be married with him and he's sneaking off whenever possible and sleeping with that other girl. If the polygraph reveals enough deception then he had not been fully truthful about the whole time he had been with that other girl.

    You might as well confront him and ask him the truth as to why he dated the other girl. What is it that he wanted from her that you lacked and can't provide him? Ask him why can't he absolutely be clear and make up his fucking mind already and just pick one girl, and if he really prefers the other girl then he needs to man the fuck up and break it off with you right now without any more lies or going behind your back trying to hide things from you.

    • He said it was to make me jealous and he never told me because he was afraid he'd loose me which at the time he would have lost me for good. However, that was the very beginning of our relationship now I have given so much to him I don't know if I have the strength to do it

    • Decide what you are willing to do, it's your life and relationship. But the last thing you would want is marry him and then realize later that it's indeed true that he's going behind your back whenever possible and sleeping with that other girl he's interested in. Talk to him, specifically about sexual satisfaction, because it's more important and should not simply be ignored as I think most guys cheat in the first place because of that.

      Ask him if there is anything you can really do to ensure his loyalty to you at all times and not ever go back or turn to that other girl he is interested in for something that he wants?

      Ask him if there is anything specifically that other girl had that you lacked and whether if that is causing him to go to her instead of you for it?

      Ask him what is it exactly that she can give to him that you couldn't? And why?

      Clear Communication helps significantly.

Most Helpful Girl

  • You are not overreacting. I would be hesitant to get married after finding this out as well. Honesty is one of the keys to a healthy, lifelong relationship. And while it's good that he FINALLY told you the truth, it's not so good that he hid it for so long. I would proceed with caution.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • No but you're upset at the wrong thing. So what if he kissed her? It's far worse that he lied. You can never trust him

    • Yes that's what I'm upset about. Me and him were each others "first" and he's been my only if he is lying about the kiss I'm afraid he's lying about doing other things and I just couldn't handle that

What Girls Said 1

  • Wait, he was talking to her while ya were together? What were the contexts of the conversations about?

    • It was when we first got together. They were friends from high school said it was innocent and that he only hung out with her to make me jealous but if that were true why was it necessary to kiss her

    • Show All
    • I asked him and then caught him texting her one night when we were hanging out! Wasn't snooping or anything his phone dinged and I looked over and saw her name so I then told him if he didn't stop talking to her I would end it then she tagged him in something on social media so I dumped him and he claims to not have spoken to her since but I don't believe it now. Maybe he just got good at hiding it

    • I don't think he sincerely loves you if he keeps hiding things about this girl. You're dating a manipulator.