How likely am I (an asexual) to find someone?

I've never dated before, but I've been told that I'd be a great boyfriend. I love listening to people, helping and genuinely being a good person. I'm a pretty sappy guy. I read, write, draw, listen to and play music. And I'm a hopeless romantic. The thought of finding my soul mate is one that I think of often.

So naturally, I've always looked for somebody who I thought would be compatible, somebody who, like me, appreciates the little things and has a great outlook on life. Only a few things have kept me from dating. It's not even looks or anything either. Again, I've been told I'm "a pretty good lookin' dude." But it's mostly been because I'm too shy, and the fact I have no sexual feelings.

It's worth noting I'm just about to turn 18 in a little bit, so I'm pretty much past puberty, so I found that I'm asexual the easy way. I like girls, but I just want to hang around and show love through ordinary everyday actions, like helping out. I'm waiting to date after high school, but when the time comes, I actually wish a girl would ask ME out, because I'm too nervous to ask her.

So, what do you think? When the time comes, will any of that matter?

Honestly, I know my opinion on sex. No offense to anybody, but I think it's just not for me. I know the majority of other people don't share my opinion, but I don't know if it matters to girls.

I've had some other guys say stuff like, "You're still young. Just wait." And "You just haven't found the right girl." Typical stuff. But that was other guys. I've very rarely brought it up to the other sex, though. If that helps explain anything as well.


Most Helpful Girl

  • You're still young, and there are plenty of girls your age who don't want to have sex either (not asexuals, just that they want to get to know a guy first before having sex, or they just don't feel like they're ready). So you shouldn't be afraid to start a relationship!

    Down the line, sex will have to be something you talk about. But you can tell her that you want to take things slow at first, and then as you two become more comfortable you can tell you're asexual and the two of you can figure out what to do about sex (if it's something she wants at that point).

    • Per your update: I wasn't saying "you're young" to mean that you will change your mind. If you are asexual, then you're asexual and that won't change. I brought up how young you are to point out that there are plenty of girls who are not asexual, but aren't interested in having sex at this age. Maybe in a few years they will start to want it more, but it's not a requirement for them now. When I was in college, I didn't want to go around having sex with guys. I would have LOVED it if a guy asked me out, and then said he just wanted to date me with no sex.
      So my point is that you can definitely find someone who is interested in having a sexless relationship with you. After you date for a few years, maybe she will want sex and there will be a problem. Or maybe after a few years it won't matter to her. Or maybe after a few years the two of you will find some compromise. But for now when you just start a relationship, there doesn't need to be sex.

    • Ah, thanks for clarifying.
      Yeah, that's probably one of things I'm most afraid of. Having a relationship and having it be under stress by something that I don't even know of. It'd be ridiculous to end something that could have a lot of meaning because of something like that. But I suppose that's something for future-me to worry about. Thanks for your answer.

    • I definitely think that's a problem for the future. Just take it one step at a time.
      When you go on a first date, you shouldn't think "do I want to marry this person?" you should just be thinking "do I want to go on a second date?" So just take it slow, and see what happens.

What Girls Said 2

  • Well, other asexuals exist, but they're rare. I'm a demisexual, and that's not a problem for my boyfriend (thank goodness), so if I could find someone, there should be a girl out there for you who won't mind or feels the same way.

  • You just have to meet the right person... and you shall find that all of this really won't matter..


What Guys Said 1

  • It sounds like your testestorone hormones are low so you don't need sex much as any other man. You also said you are someone who is nice, trying to help people, kind etc. well its another sign of having low-testestorone hormones, but need to know more before being so sure.

    Do you do sports? Its one of the biggest thing which shows u have good testestorones.

    • Not really. I was doing martial arts for a while. (Kung fu, specifically.) Didn't get very far before I stopped.
      Not sure what it might indicate, but I've never been much for sports

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