What am I doing wrong?

Hey all.

So my girlfriend just broke up with me yesterday. I'll get to that in a bit but a little context (Be warned, wall of text)

So I've had the last 3 girls I've dated, in a moments notice, dump me out of the blue. My previous Ex broke up with me because "things weren't moving fast enough". I found this quite confusing because we were already having sex often, we both had fun hanging out with each other, and 2 days before we split she was at my place having sex. The only thing that wasn't happening was we hadn't had the boyfriend girlfriend official talk. To be honest, I hadn't even thought about it, I was having so much fun with her that I forgot about it. I kinda assumed if a title was so important to her, she would have brought it up with me. Four months we dated

Now with my current breakup, I wanted to move things faster naturally. So things went great, we had a long make out session on our second date. We both 'seemed' to enjoy each others company (That will be explained later), as we both laughed a lot. We had a few interests that I could tell we both weren't interested in, but that's normal I think. But I definitely thought we enjoyed being in each others company. She is quite a nature orientated girl, so yesterday she wanted to go to a botanical garden on a walk. Things went damn good I thought, we talked about our usual stuff, then sat on a bench in the middle of the park and made out for close to an hour, she was definitely comfortable with me getting physical with her, as I was touching her boobs etc. So I thought things were going pretty great with her.

Now all of a sudden today, I got a text about an hour ago. That basically said, I really like you, you're great (Standard break up stuff), but I don't want to lead you on any further, I'm just not feeling a connection.
And from how things went yesterday, I thought we were developing a real connection. We had dated for just over a month.
What am I doing wrong? Why does this keep happening?


Most Helpful Girl

  • well I understand the 1st girl, 4 months invested and you've given her no sign that you want to be exclusive, I never ask a guy to be my s/o. I believe that's the man's job to initiate that convo. and the 2nd girl, I don't know.. maybe she's being honest. maybe after the date and kissing she just wasn't feeling it. like she said, she didn't want to lead you on further. just bc you had a great time doesn't mean she did. it could be anything, something you said, the way you kiss, something you did or DID NOT do. or it could be she picked someone else over you

    • I don't know if it was the kissing thing, she was trying really hard to put her tongue down my throat, its a bit descriptive, but best way I can describe it.

      I don't know why girls don't just talk about these things, if they say something that I don't agree with, I usually mention it straight away, I'm honest. I get the feeling I am far too honest, need to be less caring, because obviously what I am doing is not working.

Most Helpful Guy

  • In both cases they lost interest. "Not moving fast enough" is just an excuse, if she really liked you she would have tried to make it work. The confusing thing is girls will sometimes get caught up in the moment and they'll put in effort when they're with you to get intimately involved with you and it makes you think that everything's great, but it's when you're not with them.. That's when the damage is done. She'll be contemplating things and questioning things and if there is something lacking that she had just brushed over when she was with you, she'll be thinking about it and it may be enough to bring her to want to end it.

    It happens with a lot of guys and you could think about it all day. Were you not exciting enough for her? Were you becoming too predictable? Were you too available? Were you not living up to her expectations?

    I really wouldn't worry about it man, I've been through it before and the main thing it taught me is to not expect anything. It's sad, but if I have a great day with a girl, she's really into me, I can't expect that we'll still be together the following day. I just take each day as it comes and as long as I'm living up to the person that I want to be, that's all that matters, if she loses interest, great.. Because she obviously not the right one.

    • Well this time round I'm not hurt about the break up, because it's happened so often that I just don't care anymore, and I almost don't trust girls I'm dating fully because I know the next day they can just decide its over with no warning signs. It's all smoke and mirrors I feel with girls, at least with the ones I've dated.
      I'm not sure what to do, I keep picking these girls that do this to me. And I am trying to find a genuine girl that is genuinely interested in me, and I felt as if that could be her - but I was wrong again.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • I am going to ask you, are you asking them questions? Are you showing that you really want to get to know them? Are you being empathetic or are you being judgemental? Are you asking questions or letting them know that you want to understand them? Or just airing your own opinion?

    • We spent the first two dates getting to know each other. I asked a whole range of questions, and generally, she was doing the talking on dates unless she asked me questions. I air my opinion on things, I'm not going to blindy agree on everything, dont see why I should have to 100% agree on everything she says.

      I have never thought if I had not been empathetic or judgmental. I genuinely took an interest in her interests, about her family, etc. The only thing I can think of, is she loves gardening, not my particular cup of tea, but I was interested in doing that with her, I would hope she knew that.

What Guys Said 1

  • Damn, this happened an hour ago and you make a post on GAG, I respect that.

    For the first gal, I agree that she should've talked to you about the "things weren't moving fast enough". After all, communication is key on relationships. But I think what she meant about not moving fast enough was about introducing her to your friends and family, talk about the future, babies, settling down, moving in/out together, and such?

    Next gal, I also don't fully understand when someone says they don't feel the connection. I think it has something to do with not fitting your partner's needs and compatibility. Basic beliefs and values, reciprocity, complementing one another intellectually, interests, temperaments, honesty, intimacy, etc.

    • Yeah well may as well talk about it when it's fresh in my mind.

      I can understand that, but I don't understand why she wouldn't talk to me about it. Seems silly to me, throw away a whole relationship because you don't want to talk about it. I never heard back from her either when I hit her up on that stuff, so yeh ;/

      Yeah I suppose so. I mean I know we didn't have the same interests on everything, but nobody is going to have 100% of everything in common. I thought we both had fun and had a connection, as she had said to me she really enjoys going out with me. It's just after the previous day, it's just so random. Why would you go that far with somebody in public mind you, if you don't have feelings for them?

Loading... ;