How can I change?

I know that a guy doesn't validate me but , I have never been on a date, never kissed a guy or done anything physical with a guy but I want to so bad, but I'm so damn shy and I find myself pushing a guy away the minute that they try and talk to me. I know I need to loosen up but I just can't break my shyness, but I can't help !.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Talking in person for anyone who is shy is extremely difficult. The biggest problem with this is that, as you have already stated, your shyness causes you to push away possibly candidates for relationships, and possibly really nice guys and/or friends.

    The first step is to see where your boundaries are. The next step is to work on your shyness at those levels, each time increasing the difficulty of your task. For example, if you're afraid to give eye contact to someone you might like, try looking at them (not stalkerishly), but just, force yourself to glance at them more often.

    Another option is email, instant messenger, sites like myspace and facebook, and/or phones. If you can't talk to them in person, why not over the computer? Most people do this, so the next time someone approaches you, give them your email address or instant messenger or something like that. You don't even have to talk to them in person when they approach you, just smile, and hand them a piece of paper.

    The fact that you've posted this question here tells me you can do it. I know you can, and I know you really hate pushing all those guys away, so fight on! Gather up all the courage in the world and kick some butt, get the contact information out there, start giving eye contact more, and become able to casually speak with anyone!


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What Girls Said 2

  • i completely agree with the online thing. I was very shy and had trouble moving beyond friends with guys, but I started talking online and it really helped. just because you're shy doesn't mean you don't have a wonderful personality once they get to know you. it gives you more time to think and can be a useful thing to get to know someone initially. just make sure it doesn't become a crutch.

    my boyfriend and I have been going out for a year now and that's how we really started to get to know each other. we had spanish together and I thought he was really adorable but didn't know how to initiate. then from that he asked me over to his house and then out on a real date and we've now been dating a year. it took me a long time to even talk to him on the phone. I was so nervous the first time. but now we talk every night like clockwork :)

  • I had the same problem. When I was sixteen, I had never been on a date, never been kissed, didn't know that many guys. Hell, I'm eighteen now and only had my first kiss like 2 months ago. So there's really nothing to worry about. Trying to loosen up is a good idea, because you don't want to do what I did and push everyone away. It's important to remember that a dude does NOT validate you, that you will be you, with or without a guy. Remembering this helps with the shyness issue. And once you have that confidence, you'll find it a lot easier to get closer to people.

    And don't do anything just for the sake of doing it, ok?