I have a friend that is "gay". I met him through mutual friends and we've been close ever since. He tends to go after older guys because they take care of him type of situation. Long story short, I've grown to care about him and I am physically attracted to him. The guy he is with now informed me that my friend always talks about me (he agreed with my friend on having open relationships) and told him how he really likes me and wishes he was "bi". The thing about that is my friend kind of is bi but is more gay I suppose. But we both agreed that we could never "cuddle" anymore because it'll just confuse things and might lead to more than cuddling. So we quit doing it. My question is is that is it possible for a gay man to like a female possibly fall for a particular one? Like I said before, he talks about me all the time and even like yesterday I was laying on the couch and said something and he was like "what? you wanna have sex?" (jokenly). So any advice? I really do care for him.
Thank you in advance.
Most Helpful Guy
Short answer: This type of stuff really is difficult to answer on his behalf because nobody knows his feelings better than him and sexuality is complex as is so there is no straight forward answer.
Long answer: I'm going to break this down for you, but you need to ask him this as well. If he is gay, then that mean he does not like girls in the slightest. There are levels to this from my understanding of what I have studied in terms of sexuality.
The blanket terms we know of are sort of outdated so I'll you in on the more... refined sexualities but not at all accurate fully.
- Heterosexual: A person who is exclusively sexually attracted to the opposite sex.
- Heteroromantic: A person who is exclusively romantically attracted to the opposite sex.
- Heterosexual/romantic: A person who is excusively sexually and romantically attracted to the opposite sex.
Now you can fill in the blanks for the rest. Now for my thoughts. Sexuality can be fluid as well as romantic attraction. It's a spectrum really. Is it possible for a gay man to fall for a woman? in theory, he would not be fully gay if he can have ann attraction to a girl. Maybe have him look up the Kinsey scale and see where he lands. This is something that you need to talk about with him personally rather than us because all we can do is speculate. I rather not fill your head with false hope or see someone else do it.
Most Helpful Girl
Of course its possible. He might be bi but doesn't accept it (yet) he might have a strong preference for men but there's still a part of him that also likes females. It's not uncommon.
But in some cases people get so close they think they like each other in that way when it turns out it's only plutonic love (my best friend thought she was bi for this reason lol and dated a girl but she then realised the sexual attraction wasn't really there).1