He asked her out first. She moved, he then asked me out. Am I the afterthought?

I work with my boyfriend. I also worked with another girl he was into apparently. I had a crush on him for a while before he ever gave me the time of day. The girl he was attracted to was leaving work to move. We had a going away party for her. I flirted with him there. He didn't seem too into it. I asked him if he was seeing anyone, he said he was interested in her. Knocked me down a little, but didn't make me stop having a crush. 1 month goes by, then suddleny he's into me. I can't help feeling like I was the after thought. Like you know how you go to a restaurant, and the meal you really want is gone. So you have to settle for something else that you don't really want at all. I feel horrible. I try to talk to him about it, but he doesn't want to. Am I the second choice?


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What Guys Said 3

  • Thats the way the cookie crumbles darling. but fall back or not, you still ended up with him so...
    unlike girls who tend to like just One guy, guys tend to like a few girls at a time and prioritize them accordingly. if a guy likes 3 girls, he knows the one he likes most and the next and the next. We do this because not every approach is successful. So if he goes for girl 1 and she turns him down, then there's girl 2 and 3 left.
    Its something we have to face as guys so it kinda irks me when girls think they are a fall back, its not really true. We can only try, and when you are in a situation where your only choice is to try, you try to have options TO try.

  • The things that sucks it you didn't really worry about this until now that he is officially your boyfriend. How long have you been going out that now you feel like the afterthought. This should have been brought up before you even got together.

    To your question I don't think you are the afterthought. I think he was focused on one thing. Then after time went by he started to notice you and get to know you more in personal way.

    • We've been together for 5 months. I have brought it up to him but he always brushes it off

    • Being together this long you would think you be over it by now. Be happy you have him, that's what you wanted all along right? The path taken to get their doesn't matter as long as you reach the destination.

  • Yes you were the afterthought, since she's gone he remembered you're an easy pick up since you flirted with him before and you were the next easy choice instead of being alone.


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