I feel very hurt crush on friend?

She used to love talking to me, we would talk a lot... I can tell she had some feelings, but she did have a boyfriend at the time.

However she never really told me she had one, I was hurt when I found out and I stopped talking to her, I had feelings for her too.

We kinda patched things up now, Her boyfriend broke up with her a few months ago.

I know she doesn't have those feelings for me anymore, but we don't talk like we used to. She doesn't initiate, she doesn't ask about me... we still joke around... but I feel really hurt that it's not like before, and she lost her feelings.

I tell myself there is nothing I could have done, she had a boyfriend at the time...

I feel hurt, I want to stop feeling hurt. Not sure what to do.

It's clear we are not meant for each other, and she doesn't want to talk about her feelings at all.

So how do I stop the hurt?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well with time honestly. Just know that you two are not meant to be. She did have feelings of friendship for you and loved your company but she never saw you as anything more than a freind.

    I have been there twice, well almost 3 times. To you it seems like she used you right. She used you to talk to and be freinds with right. When you wanted something more. Sadly that is how women use men. To women having a guy that you can easily talk to with no fear of feelings coming from him is a dream. To her you were her freind with benefits. So many women want just a guy to talk with. That is why they usually have a gay freind.

    The best way that I can suggest to get over her is to move on with your life. Focus on you. Do things you enjoy. Work out, eat good food, but yourself a gift. But what will take the pain away is time.
    Meeting another girl will come but take your time. Don't rush otherwise your just on the rebound.


What Girls Said 2

  • maybe she got tired of waiting for you to make a move. sounds like she liked you as more than friends. it's hard to stay friends with some one you gave romantic feelings for.

    • She had a boyfriend though, I couldn't really make a move...

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    • does that matter? all that matters is that she liked u

    • I don't know, I'm sad that things didn't turn out better

  • is it possible to just meet someone else

    • I'm having a tough time clicking with girls

    • clicking... yeah that tough to try to catch a vibe.. but I guess u have to be open up and let someone in

What Guys Said 2

  • So, let me talk you through this as one person who has gone through this before, very similar situation. I had/have a very close female friend. We shared everything with each other, joked, and just all round got along. At first it was GREAT, instant replies back and forth, fun times, sitting by each other in class, and sort of an On Off relationship type of thing right? Like it was present, but not there.

    I stood by from boyfriend to boyfriend, being her pillow to cry on. Then things dropped, the instant replies turned to hours, the jokes turned to ha's, the sitting by one another turned into distance and the talking turned to silence. We were still friends, still there, but not... It was different, I hadn't changed, I didn't do anything, she just, moved away.

    Eventually all of it became to the point of no reply, no response, no jokes, no anything. I called her on it, she continued to ignore. We stopped talking for a month, then patched things up. For a brief week or so, things were great again, back to normal, this time, she was more open, more jokey, hell, she even flirted. We had plans, we wanted to get together but then... back to stage 3, the ghosting, the distance, the silence. The torment... the torment of hope, hope that things could change and one day it would work out, for good.

    How does the pain stop? It doesn't, because she already impacted your life. Does it get better though? Yes, yes it does. If you drop a coffee mug, it shatters into pieces, but you can glue the pieces back together. It'll work, it'll do, but the cracks are still there. Just like any relationship, any feelings, you can glue your heart back together, you can continue to use it and move on, but the cracks will still be there.

    How did I get over it, well, I just stopped caring so much. I took the good for the good, the bad for the bad. If she didn't reply she didn't. If she texted me, great, but thats the end. I had to move forward, because I realized no matter how many times I tried to let her back in, it would always end the same.

    Take a step back, take a breath. Think about all the good, think about the hopes and dreams, and just take a minute to recognize that. Then think about the bad and make that the reason why you have to move forward. It will never go away, the coffee mug will always have cracks, but it will work, it'll get better, I promise.

  • 1. If she had feelings for you and wanted you she would be with you and not the boyfriend. At best she liked you as a really good friend and nothing more.

    2. She never told you she has one because women enjoy attention. They hide the fact they have a boyfriend because they know guys (who they are aware like them more than friends) will ghost if they find out she's taken.

    3. She's only talking to you back again because her boyfriend broke up with her and she needs attention. Your her beta orbiter and she might use you as a rebound but be aware she considers you a 2nd place prize and will never love you even if she lies to herself that she does.

    4. The girl doesn't give a fuck about u. Realize majority of women use men as utilities. Your the guy she goes to vent her problems, get attention from. When she got a man, your duties were passed majority over to him. With her coming back to you only when her boyfriend was too busy to fulfill his role or was not giving it enough.

    Stop caring about a girl who really doesn't give a fuck about you man and find someone who likes you.

    • I know what you mean, it's a bit more complex how things went down.

      Her boyfriend wasn't giving her attention, so she liked me.. or at least my attention...

      I found out she had a boyfriend and ghosted her.

      We talked just as friends, I find out she is broken up...

      However she has changed, she is different now.

      I don't want to be with her, but I just miss the days she used to be into me.

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    • Maybe. Maybe not. It's up to her to sort out her mental/emotional baggage.

    • I think she feels bad about leading me on too... That might be a factor