Should I be ok with my boyfriend messaging girl he used to like if its innocent?

Been going out with my boyfriend for a while now (bout 21 months) and its generally a pretty good relationship. A while back I saw some messages pop up from a girl he used to work with, this happened in the early hours of the morning whilst we were in bed together, naturally I was fuming. He assured me it was just because she was out and had seen a colleague so wanted to tell him about it and said nothing at all was going on, nothing had ever gone on with them etc. he said they sometimes messaged a bit when drunk but nothing flirty or anything, just catching up. I trust him so dropped it and moved on. Anyway, a few nights ago he was drunk and accidentally mentioned that she'd messaged him recently saying that she had a boyfriend now, and he let slip that he had actually asked her out a few times before he met me. Am I wrong to not like him talking to women that he used to like, even if he does say it is innocent? Its happened a few times where he's got messages from people he used to date or whatever, is that normal? he's promised me that he won't talk to any women from now on, should I trust him?


What Guys Said 1

  • Ok, so far he has done nothing wrong. You can't stop other people from messaging you unless you flat out block them. So far he has done nothing to say he is interested in her or wants to cheat. She only messaged to say she has a boyfriend now. How is that threatening? He was just being honest with you and probably wanted to get it off his chest that he ask her out, but this was before you started seeing him, so again, he has done nothing wrong.

    • Yes, this is true, but why was he messaging her before whilst in bed with me? It was like 3 in the morning, and he hid his phone so I wouldn't see. I respect his privacy so I didn't ask to see, but I just think its a bit odd to message someone of the opposite gender at that time whilst you're with your girlfriend? Maybe I am just paranoid?

    • Show All
    • Yes I think thats good advice, I guess that I either have to forgive and move on or not forgive and dump him! But I don't think its enough to end the relationship yet, I have told him that I forgive him but if it happens again now that he has promised not to message past flames then that will have to be it! I think thats fair, I trust him but at the same time Im not a mug!

    • Yes, I agree too! Good luck!

What Girls Said 1

  • Honestly its up to you and where you set your boundaries in your relationship. Since they actually had nothing together it would be weird of you to cut him off I guess. But as your boyfriend he should have enough respect for you to leave her be.

    • Yeah and he has said that now we are in a better place he won't message other women, but I just don't see why he'd want to anyway? If an old boyfriend or someone I used to like messaged me Id ignore it cos it wouldn't be fair on anyone involved?

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