Yeah, especially when someone acts hot and cold consistently. It's even worse when you feel compatible with that person.
A lot of people don't take responsibility for that though. If you're looking for something that could become serious and someone is acting hot and cold on you, they're not compatible with you. They are clearly telling you they don't want something serious yet people keeping being strung along by that person instead of cutting the cord and freeing themselves.
What if they act hot and cold yet still ask you out and your dates go well? It can be tricky in that regard.
Again, still stringing you along. They like you enough to continue dating you, but the reality is that you are just filling the dating/bf/gf slot until they come across someone they are actually very interested in. It doesn't usually turn into a serious relationship and when it does it's even rare that it's a healthy one because one person has been acting like a doormat and that status would usually continue.
Yeah but this person was also on the rebound so I think that plays a BIG factor in their behavior. Still not ok though. Like they just got out of an LTR a couple of weeks prior to seeing me. Didn't find out till later though.
That probably does have an impact on their behavior but it's just more confirmation that you aren't compatible. You need the right person, at the right time. The right person, at the wrong time is still the wrong person.
That may be true but aside from this person. It just seems like there's a lot of flakes and ghosts today.
Yeah, in a society where it's so easy to meet and connect with a lot of people it's easy to have the attitude of "Oh, I'm not that into this person so I'll just go find another". It's great that we have so many choices and the chance to find someone we really connect with, but it does inherently leave a lot of room for flakiness. Also, our society's current state of dating is much less serious than it was when our parents were dating, which just adds to the culture of flaking/ghosting.in my opinion it's rude to just disappear and I've generally tried to let people know when I'm not interested and wish them well in their dating endeavors. That still backfires though sometimes. I've had more than one person become aggressive and really angry so I can kind of see the appeal of just blocking/ghosting.
Yep, been on both sides of the coins with the multi dating. You find someone who you like and it gives you that boost of confidence and you think the next best thing is around the corner, while still seeing them, and then there's times where you find someone you really click with and you feel you're getting closer only for them to flake and find someone they think is better. That is the most challenging part and it affects both parties involved. I multi date until exclusivity is brought up because regardless of how interested one seems, I've had people flake out of the blue. Yeah being the one to let someone off the hook is tough too because you never know how they're gonna react. There's been times where I've had ones that were super clingy or I just wasn't into and I was afraid of confrontation because I was worried about it blowing up.
The most frustrating thing about being flaked on/ghosted constantly is not knowing where you went wrong and not knowing what not to do in the future. And this isn't all women are bitches or I'm so nice, I deserve this but more or less not having your feelings fucked with and owning up to your mistakes. I'd rather take constructive criticism and know where I screwed up as opposed to being in the dark and possibly continue to make the same mistakes I've made with ones in the past, whatever they are. I mean you can't please everyone but when you get the same results consistently, you wonder what you might be doing on your end. It could be your fault but like you said it could also be the multi dating/flaking culture we live in today.
I think someone flaking on you says more about what's wrong with them than you though. I mean, not really that something's wrong with them, but that they were looking for something and thought you were it and realized that you weren't. There's generally nothing you can do to change that and it's just them not being certain that you're the right fit. It sucks a lot but I don't think it's your (the person who was flaked on) fault. It also sucks that you have yet to meet the person who is as interested in you as you are in them. Good luck, stay positive and keep trying! You sound like a mature reasonable person and I'm sure eventually you'll meet someone who is right for you. :)
Yeah it probably means something is wrong with them, whether they're not sure of what they want, found someone they liked better, or you just didn't fit their criteria but yeah like I said, it's just frustrating when it happens so often. I've dated plenty but never had a real relationship. Not that I'm desperate for one. And thanks for the kind words. I'll PM you though.
Have those been the types pursuing you?
I don't know, I don't pay attention any more. Back when I *was* paying attention and willing to try the whole 'dating' thing, that's all there were, EVERYWHERE. And unfortunately, everywhere I go, my brain is visually assaulted with fat chicks. Go to the store... fat girls. Go to a bar... fat girls. Go anywhere, do anything... fat girls.
Yeah POF seems to have tons of those, both fat women and single moms. Though I've met some cool people off there.
Well, POF *does* stand for "Plenty of Fat".And online 'dating' is basically just for women that are the bottom of the barrel. Women that aren't fat, single mothers, or fucking psychos don't have problems finding men in real life, so they don't need to resort to websites.
That's not always true. I've met plenty of attractive women on dating sites who aren't single moms or fat.
Then they've got some kind of mental or emotional issue. She might not show it at first, it might take YEARS to come out, but it's there.
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