So I'm a 23yr old mother to 9 month old. And SINGLE due to no fault of my own as my ex was abusive. I guess my question is... is this an unappealing scenario to future possible dates? being a young mother.. is it to much baggage? I have the looks and the personality.. but my baby is everything to me and a part of that package. Are guys mature enough to give me a shot or has this made the dating scene even harder?
Most Helpful Guy
I don't wanna be mean here, but I do need to be honest.
It is... but maybe unfairly.
When a guy sees a single mom, there are two worries:
1) she is single because she has problems/makes bad choices
2) she is looking for someone else to provide for her, and a relationship with her is just being roped into raising someone else's kid.
Now, these are legitimate concerns, but they can be unfair. For #1, it is also possible she could be a widow, or the guy cheated, or a billion other reasons, leaving her a single mom through no fault of her own.
The second reason is the bigger concern. See, raising someone else's kid IS NOT actually a problem for most guys. The worry is that the ONLY REASON she is with us is because she needs the financial support or an otherwise worthwhile guy who is willing to take on responsibility, and if she wasn't a mom for example, she might not even consider us.
Most guys know someone who raised a step kid, and loves the kid like their own. But most guys also know someone who was basically used for their money and time and work and everything, but not really loved and appreciated, and basically was just a piggy bank, raising someone else's kid, losing the best years of his life to supporting a woman and her kid without either appreciating him.
So... it can be unappealing, and the reasons it can be are sometimes fair and legitimate... but they're sometimes really really not. I think guys should, in general, be more willing to consider a single mother. But I also have witnessed, first hand, why some guys just write them off entirely.1
Most Helpful Girl
I wouldn't be so quick to ask "Are guys mature enough to give me a chance?" because that sounds a bit condescending, as if a guy your age not wanting to father someone else's child indicates lack of maturity. It doesn't, if anything he's being more mature by admitting he can't handle the responsibility instead of hoping he can just get with you and ignore your kid.
Onto your actual question it will be more difficult in a sense but it's not impossible; there's always somebody out there who can appeal to your circumstance because they love you unconditionally.2