Is it okay to ask for space in this scenario?

I feel like my life is consumed of my boyfriend. I'm always there at his beck and call when he wants to hang out (which makes me fall behind on my homework sometimes), I spend my entire free time texting him and he's all I think about. I feel like I'm a little obsessed; almost like I don't have my own identity. He's all I practically think about. I'm even in school to get a better job, so I could get us an apartment. I feel like I have to constantly watch not to make him think I'm angry at things.

Recently, I did something wrong and invaded his privacy. Reason being (still shitty) that he was with-holding things from me and not telling me things. I brought it up to him. He called me names for doing it and put me down. He said that I never proved to be anything of benefit to him; that I was a negative person. He said that I just had to deal with the fact that he will not tell me everything. As I know it's a shitty thing for me to invade his stuff like that, I didn't think it warranted him to say hurtful things.

I'm still hurt by his words. I think I need to put distance to feel like my old self again and not feel over-consumed of him; not necessarily break up. Help?


Most Helpful Girl

What Guys Said 1

  • "Space, distance, break" are all breakups

    • But is it wrong to just ask for a little time to myself? Time to just focus on myself rather than being obsessed over him?

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    • But it's already confirmed that he doesn't share a lot of things with me, anyways.

    • Then if you can't trust him it won't change so you have a decision

What Girls Said 1

  • This is a very toxic relationship. From you there's a high level of dependency and obsession to the point where it's affecting your life (falling behind on homework). From him there's the name calling, putting you down, lying by omission and lack of respect. Overall in the relationship there's poor communication, having to walk on eggshells, and not enough life outside of the relationship (maybe more just you).

    I think you should take time to assess the relationship. There are things you need to work on for yourself, but this relationship still is not too healthy overall. It's totally not normal for you to have to walk on eggshells just because he'll think you're mad. How does he react when he thinks you're mad by the way? Name calling and putting someone down is never ok. Is this something he usually does when he's angry? You need to work on having your own life outside of the relationship. Do you have friends of your own you can spend time with? Or hobbies you can do on your own or find other like minded people?

    • He just assumes I'm mad and it gets annoying. He always does this when he's angry. I only have one friend, and she's usually busy. It's hard for me to meet new people.

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    • But aren't I doing bad things by going through his things and invading his privacy?

    • Yes and you will have to work on your personal issues that lead you to doing those things. You're not going to fix your issues in a toxic relationship though. He will still be toxic. He will still be poisoning the relationship. While you are painting the house blue, he's right behind you painting it back to yellow. You will not accomplish much personal growth when staying with a toxic partner. He will always be tearing you down. That's why I suggest just leaving.